Wednesday, December 05, 2012

#495. Christmas Blogathon of Doom!!!

Hey!  I'm actually doing it this time!  Briane Pagel has organized this blogathon.  I was supposed to participate last Wednesday, but completely forgot about it.  Not this time!  (And hopefully not the next two Wednesdays, either, because I signed up for those dates as well.)

Anyway!  We're rapidly approaching Christmas!  That means a lot of Christmas TV specials are playing at the moment, because for some reason people don't like watching them at other points in the year.  What's up with that?  Are you next going to tell me that you don't believe in the Christmas Cat?

(For those completely unfamiliar with this blog prior to this past April's 
A-to-Z challenge, which would be all of you, that's the extremely crappy 
mascot of a semi-recurring feature here at Scouring Monk entitled Flawless Kitty Logic)

I will draw inspiration for today's blogathon post from one of these specials.  You will never guess in a million years which one!

Born With a Red Nose

I was born with a red nose.  I have no idea how that happened, because in the years that've followed, I certainly did the research, and no other reindeer in history had one.  I know I have a red nose because everyone I've ever met has told me, "Hey, you have a red nose!"  Eventually Santa decided this could be useful, as not only is my nose red but it glows.  If I were in a comic book, I would be known as a mutant, although I would prefer razor sharp claws to a red nose that glows.
     We can't always get what we want.  I know that as much from my nose as for all the years I've spent at the North Pole, because as you might have heard, even if by some chance you haven't heard about me and my nose, the North Pole is home to Santa and his workshop.  I live just south of the workshop, so don't ask me what it's like.  The closest I've ever gotten is the loading dock where Santa's sleigh is filled every year.  It's a little difficult to ignore the smell of the elves, however.  Whatever else they do in the workshop, I suspect there is no company shower provided for them.  They work all year round. It's okay, though.  They're always singing.  People who sing are by definition happy.  Don't let all your musicals fool you.
     It's not such a bad place to be.  I hear that you think it's pretty cold up here, but as far as I'm concerned, it's pretty warm where you live.  I imagine global warming has something to do with it.  We talk about that crap here, too, although we only really care once a year, which I guess means that Christmas is a little like Earth Day for us.  We don't really think of Christmas for all the holiday cheer you enjoy.  For us it's the day we finally end the fiscal year.  We celebrate the day after.
     For a few months we get to enjoy ourselves, which is when I get to hang out with the wife, the dentist, the prospector, and of course the bumble.  We don't really do much but exchange stories.  Although I have only one responsibility concerning Christmas and it takes one night to achieve, Santa likes to keep me close.  To tell the truth, I think of the reindeer gang and Santa more as family than the wife, but don't tell her that!  We just had a doe, whose nose is white as snow (but that's another story entirely), so I'm definitely happy.  Santa can sometimes stress out, though.  I'm happy to give him moral support, or whatever it is I do.  It's just good to be around him.  His laughter is always infectious, though sometimes a few of us wonder if he doesn't fake it every now and again.  Santa's as genuine as they come, don't get me wrong.  But even he can't live up to his image a hundred percent.  For that kind of commitment to character, your best known attribute has to be firmly planted at the end of your face.  I should know.
     If you don't get what you want this year, please don't assume that it was deliberate.  You have no idea how hectic it is to juggle the wish lists of the entire world's population.  Now if you'll excuse me, I must be going.  Before that, however, here are a few suggestions:

Incidentally, I'm also plugging Mouldwarp Press #1 "Project Mayhem, a new anthology I'm accepting submissions for, details to be found here, and I'd be very happy if you considered participating.


PT Dilloway, Superhero Author said...

Yay, you remembered this time!

Andrew Leon said...

You know, my kids would watch Christmas specials all year if my wife would let them, but she has a no Christmas rule that goes into effect on January 2 each year and last until the day after Thanksgiving. It's very hard for the kids.

Tony Laplume said...

I am pretty convinced that if kids had it their way, Christmas would last pretty much all year long.


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