#48. Blacklisting

Have you ever said to yourself, fuck it, this just isn't worth it? I'm contemplating this about an area in my life. I've put up with a lot of passive abuse, a lot of "black listing," and frankly, it's getting to the point where I won't be able to talk myself out of not walking away again. Here's to you, who made it possible. That's all.

#47. Alan Ruck

By the way, Alan Ruck should have had a bigger career after Bueller. Too bad...

#46. Feris Bueller's Day Off

I'm watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off for the first time, and while it isn't quite as good as it's been said to be, it is also a pretty good flick. That's all.

#45. For Shame...

Oh, and shame on him for not noticing...

#44. Michael Moore

This just in: Michael Moore lives in a fictitious world.

43. Words of Wisdom (Somewhere)

It's very hard to come up with words of wisdom when you aren't feeling very wise at the moment, but still want to write something here. So here's what I have to say: [insert something here].

#42. Ambition

What is ambition, anyway? Is it something elusive, or too much to expect? It's something we all have, whether we realize it or not, and it comes in all sizes. Getting up in the morning is an ambition, just as going to bed at night is. It's also setting goals, in whatever form they come and however distant they are. I've had a singular ambition, a singular goal for some time now, and by some standards I would appear to be less along the way than I could. I say to that, bullocks. There's no such thing as behind. That's what I've got to say today.

#41. The Seven Day Theory Statement, Part 2

Pretentious shit, huh? It was fun writing it.

#40. The Seven Day Theory Statement

That was The Seven Day Theory.

#39. The Seven Day Theory, Part 7

We took our little
rest.

Stepping out of the heated
incognito
the rest was an awakening
there had been
misconceptions
misunderstandings
we needed to set
the record straight
and to do so
we pressed the reset button

it wasn't going to be sudden
and it was going to be
painful
but in the end
or perhaps a new beginning
there would be
a new understanding
a new conception
a clean slate

the slate was going to stay the same
we knew that
to erase the acknowledged
would be
counterproductive
all we will have gained
lost
scattered along the plains of oblivion

when we took our rest
we closed our eyes
and saw with greater clarity
a new conviction our beacon
cutting through the misty wet fury
with precision
blind but not unattentive
aware
for perhaps the first time

who saw this day
rushing forward like a steed
riderless but still motivated
a destination always in sight
but sometimes prevented?
expectations nearly left us
failures
small ones and big ones
conscious ones and unconscious ones
prideful and hypocritical
all this we saw when we closed
our eyes
for a rest


reciprocal
intentional
metaphysical
a splendid metamorphosis

we took all
that we now saw
and prepared to use it
there was a new day before us
insipid as the day we emerged
today
yesterday
tomorrow.

We took a rest
and moved on.

#38. The Seven Day Theory, Part 6

Alone?
I was not.

I looked to my right
to whom I
journeyed with
contempt
envy
jealousy
seethed within me
what right had this
person
this other
to share my path?
none
they should know
none but melancholy
I alone deserve this
it is mine
all my own
I breed hatred
despair lurks within
woe to the inhabitants of this plain
look upon me
you coward
I am the lord of creation
it's lone bastion
right of the rite
written
sacred writ
I am therefore it is mine
and I will not die
will never surrender
a fortress built around me
Ego its name and decree
I am swallowed
isolated
my own solitude
there is no pity here
look away
look away
look away
what needs are not found?
what lusts unsatisfied?
what whims go unfulfilled?
what delusions
do I not need?
all of them!
I need!
all of them
sustain me
nourish me
swaddle me
defend me
there is no truth
but melancholy
I lay fallow
my companion
lost
myself
lost
I reach
and find nothing
all is
lost
I have myself.

Alone?
I was.

#37. The Seven Day Theory, Part 5

Above and below
we were no longer
alone.

This isolation
had harmed us
we were the lords of
creation
ungrateful
subjected by our own sovereignty
to a snippet
conned into conformity
unaware
now that was ended and we
not known what we lost
until it was
gone
same as always
we felt gawky
unweldy
our dignity slowly slipped away
down below and high above
we had the advantage of cunning
yet that was no great comfort
a moment of clarity
where were we but lost?

our spirits hung in oblivion
neither up nor down
nor appeased
nor balanced
nor passive
limbo
in stupor
unstooped
stewards of discontent
alienated
lost
we picked a spot to sulk
it was
a good spot
it was our home
our solace
our respite from the gloom
we reveled
we sang a song:

when the world was young and we were sprite and gay
no worries sat upon our shoulders or spoke of sweet dismay

that was a moment
etched in time
for our wasted
misery
what right had we
over this cursed
dominion?
none that we
could speak of
and none we would
confess to
it was a secret shame
since above and below
we were paid no heed
no
we were

alone.