#80. Simon Cowell, WrestleMania XX

So I've been watching some of American Idol this season...While the show is truly representative of the whole pop music scene, the reason I watch is Simon Cowell. The only problem I have with him is his Sudden Head Jerking. This SHJ thing, which would at first seem like his way of saying "that was so bad it put me to sleep and I've just be nudged awake by Paula," but he does it all the time. Love him for his forthrightness, but the SHJ has got to go.

So anyhoo, WrestleMania XX has been released, and I picked up a copy today. The trivia game on the third disk is a hoot, because after each guess you get a video response from a WWE superstar. So far I've hit on Victoria, Kurt Angle, all three Dudleys, Rhyno (I'm pretty sure, or it could be the General dude from a few Survivor seasons ago), Y2J, Coach, Al Snow, and Mick Foley. Only problem is, you aren't given the correct answer, and given that some of the responses the repeating vid bits give are a bit ambiguous about whether you've got the answer right or not. Rhyno (?) says something about having to explaining it with crayons, and I think I've gotten to the point where I can say he means you've gotten the right answer (which means his contribution translates to the answer being bizarre but true). Did I say I hit on Victoria? Huh huh. But then that also means...

I've been meaning to comment about this, but Rey Myserio continued his WrestleMania super hero fashion show he began last year with Daredevil duds (as that film was, except for Colin Farrell and Jennifer Garner) by following it up with Flash-themed ring apparel in the cruiserweight open. Did I mention I'm a big Flash fan? He and Green Lantern are, in my humble opinion, the two greatest comic book concepts around, insofar as they've been consistently worth reading for decades. Only the X-Men would really rival them, but those mutants have grown so irrelevant to what made them great more than a decade ago that they survive, to my mind, more on reputation now than their actual books. Or they have untit recently, however. Maybe it's the films that have led to their rejuvenation. But when will they get back to the story that matters, the reason they're supposed to be the greatest concept in comics? Let's just say that it's hard to consider their story worth reading when it's so often bogged down by mindless shock in place of the concept that should be explored in its place. Mutants! The films put the money on the table. Now pick it up!

Make sense of that? Anyhoo, back to WM. The March 14, 2004, evening festivities kicked off on a classy note, the Harlem Boys Choir (reminding me of an Elijah Wood SNL skit) singing "America the Beautiful), and then John Cena hit. The ending was a bit of a cheat, but he was facing a mostly immovable object, the Big Show (mostly immovable to himself as well), so all's forgiven. Plus, he's the Doctor of Thuganomics! Word!

Then there was the Raw fatal fourway tag team title bout. RVD looked quite good on that night, quite good. I'll give him that. But that also doesn't say as much as it seems, since he wasn't carrying anything. To hit one's spots, anyone can do that expertly. Hulk Hogan made a very good living doing just that. It's the rest of the match he needs to work on. Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak looked very generic. Maybe they'll eventually make something of themselves, maybe they won't. La Resistance, Rene Dupree and Rob Conway in this instance, worked pretty well. The Dudleys, Bubba Ray and D'Von, were fine, with the little they did (the missed 3D was their biggest spot that I can remember). The match belonged to Booker T and Rob Van Dam. Obviously! But it was better than I'd been led to believe. Next!

Jericho/Christian was a definite highlight. Plus there was Trish. As it turns out, Trish made her move to turn on Y2J only after accidently costing him the match. I was going to put quotations around accidently, but the spot looked like it could have been an accident, as these "accidents" go. I was struck, however, at how much Christian looked like a Cade or a Jindrak, with his short haircut. Skills-wise, they have nothing on him, but he does end up looking pretty generic. Well, let's hope a Matt Hardy doesn't befall him once this feud with Chris Jericho is over. Tyson Tomko, when I got a look at him finally, is probably not Chuck Palumbo. But this Mordecai who will be at Judgment Day...I'll be damned if it isn't Sean O'Haire, but Mr. Sean O'Haire has been let go. Oh well...Next!

The Rock 'n' Sock/Evolution match, or should I say slobberknocker, was a letdown, insofar as Randy Orton/Mick Foley was concerned. Orton saw the least action of himself, Ric Flair, and Batista! Batista gave more powerbombs than Orton saw ringtime! All Orton really got to do was pin Foley. The match really belonged to Flair and The Rock, who had a good time mocking each other's signature moves. I read I think in one of the Amazon.com reviews of WM XX that the two ought to have a match one-on-one based on their chemistry that night. Maybe they've fought before, and maybe this really was Rock's single match this whole year (though if he wants to make a movie career he'll have to make a few movies that actually matter), but I agree. What little good that'll do...

Sable/Torrie vs. Stacy/Jackie...Short, pointless T & A affair, and poor Jerry Lawler didn't get to call it! Anyhoo, I supposed there was enough of an excuse for it...

The cruiserweight open was exceptional. But I can't help but wonder if the distinct lack of cruiserweight action since then (aside from Chavo Guerrero) has anything to do with the ingratitude of the fans (at least in my experience) for what they were given here. Ultimo Dragon was given due respect, and Jamie Noble had a fine capper for a solid run in recent months. Rey of course was his usual self, crowd-pleasing as always. Tajiri hit the tarantula, Billy Kidman wasted more time using up someone else's spot (WCW actaully had it right when they tried to push him, finally, beyond cruiserweight action; unfortunately they tried to do it against Hulk Hogan and his biggest moment of egotism, and nothing followed except a one-night run as cruiswerweight tag team champion on WCW's final show, I believe with Mysterio). Chavo picked up the obligatory win, since the cruiserweights really deserve a whole show to themselves. Maybe that's Kidman's problem, and why the complaint about this match was that it wasn't long enough. I thought it was plenty long for the amount of wrestlers crammed into it. They had a chance to shine. To truly shine, they'd need, like a said, a whole show to themselves...

Which brings us to Goldberg/Lesnar. They stood around for a very long time. The encounter was more about two irrestible forces than a wrestling encounter. Why was the match buried in the card like it was? Clearly it had been meant to be something more than it turned out to be. Undertaker/Kane could easily have been put here and vice versa, and the night would probably have been better for it. But as it was...the "smart marks" decided to reward this encounter with the worst kind of brattiness this side of the Canadian sharpshooting fiasco. The end seemed extremely truncated to me, as if there easily could have been more to the match, but wasn't because the audience enthusiasm just wasn't there. So the restraint on the part of the two competitors turned into resignation. Even Steve Austin couldn't save this affair, and didn't try to until the end. There haven't been two such underappreciated wrestlers in all wrestling history, as far as the fans are concerned. Goldberg was a certified phenomenon, until WCW bungled him, he took a break, and tried to ensure WWE would treat him better. Lesnar came around just when he was needed, but the fans turned him into the next Goldberg, later era, regardless. Just like Triple H and his year-long reign, the fans decided that any new dominant star wasn't worth their respect. So they ended up getting exactly what they wanted on this night. A lackluster, fond farewell. I hope both will be back, and prove to everyone they were wrong. It's what Chris Benoit did...

Disc 1 ends with Smackdown's tag team fatal fourway. As I intimated at the time, the participants were of slightly higher pedigree in this version of the tag team tango. TWGG, which didn't see enough action in this match, and the Bashams (ditto) were better established than La Resistance and Cade & Jindrak as tag teams. The APA were there as a final show of respect for their years of duty. Bradshaw, meanwhile, has clung to his black tights, unfortunately, in the sense that he didn't change his style and because he's getting a push, for all things, the WWE title. Mic-wise he's got the goods. Skill-wise, not so much. Unfortunately. Champions Scotty and Rikishi put on a good show, if not proving their specific worth to be champions. Still, it was good their years of hard work were appreciated in this fashion. Hopefully Scotty can move on to greater things, and Rikishi can spare us any more butt shots...

Unfortunately, I haven't yet watched Disc 2, which presumably has that night's best matches in store for me. I'll get back to this when I've made the rounds...

#79. Richard Cheese, Jimmy Kimmel, The Iliad, Wrestling

Richard Cheese on Jimmy Kimmel last night is exactly the reason why Jimmy Kimmel deserves to exist. Who else on late night TV but Jimmy will put on a lounge singer singing Sir Mix-a-lot's "Baby Got Back"? Who? Granted, I had been lured to the show by the promise of seeing the Flaming Lips perform (and they very well may have; I slept through everything but Mr Cheese). The way I see it, each of the major four (sorry, Carson, you don't count) talk show gabbers have their own approach. Leno's is clownish, Letterman's is sarcastic, Kilborn's is swarmy, and O'Brien's is dweebish (which I mean in the coolest sense possible). Kimmel plays it fast and loose, careless (and I mean that in the best sense possible). His offbeat sense of class was the best part of his partnership with Adam Corolla (misspelled as the last name most likely is) in the Man Show years.

I'm currently reading Homer's The Iliad. They might have had certain rules in warfare that made time for all sorts of interruptions in that time, but after reading Book Ten (in the Robert Fiztgerald translation) I'm wondering if the Greeks weren't the bad guys after all. Diomedes and Odysseus sneak into the Trojan camp and slaughter the sleeping Thracians at night. Bastards! That's not even what they were sent to do!

Anyhoo, back to pro wrestling! Paul Heyman made his return to Smackdown last Thurrsday, as a "one night affair" while Kurt Angle, GM, spends his time not being onscreen after giving up wrestling for a while so he doesn't further destroy his young pro wrestling body. Heyman took the opportunity to add further fuel to the "Let's rain on RVD's parade" um, parade WWE enjoys so much when he took the opportunity to reinvigorate the Dudley Boyz, Bubba and Devon, old ECW charges, using as a stepping stone ol' Van Dam, who got a rematch at the start of the show with Booker T after last week's main event match was upstaged by the berzerker Big Show and Angle's wittle fall (which they estimated at around 25 feet and I'd scale back to maybe 20, up from my original 10, but it doesn't realy matter that much). Well, as could be assumed, the rematch was upstaged as well, meaning that once again, RVD is being used as a tool rather than as a serious competitor, which probably won't appease his fans but will at least please me, who would like to see him work a little harder at creating a realistic ring style (rather than the cartoon version he favors). But on the plus side, Booker keeps getting plugged, and it looks like he'll be facing none other than the Undertaker at Judgment Day (the biker man's own PPV!). As my good friends (well, old acquaintances in a manner of speaking) at Powerwrestling.com point out, this match could mean good or bad for Booker. Good if he's allowed to win, bad if Taker really is bound for one last glory run. But the fact that he hasn't been used so much since his return at WrestleMania last month (out of DVD today) suggests either he won't be used a whole lot in this push (which might make hypocrites of all Goldberg detractors who might also be Taker marks) and is just making a final run in his latest role (as a guy who pushes other talent, as he did with Brock Lesnar) or someone is really attempting to make him a nostalgia act, a la Hogan. I think he finally wore out his welcome when he showed himself desperate enough to return to the dead man act (however half-heartedly), which is something he waited too long to do.

Poor Charlie Haas is stuck in a gimmick act with Rico, Freaky Touchy Feely (works better when he doesn't talk, since he's not as accomplished a word man as he is body language man). Who again got the better deal in the splitting of TWGTT? Beeeenjamin! Is there even a question about this?...Is it really that great that Haas is tag team champion again? The man's being upstaged by Rico and Rene Dupree, who is getting a US title push ahead of him, because as Tazz says, "I'm a French guy, I'm a French guy" as Dupree does his dance. "Cafe de Rene" was a pretty good segment, though. Torrie looked quite good in that dress.

Bradshaw doesn't have the ring skills to warrant the push, which only further proves Eddie Guerrero is safe for another few months as champion. This conclusion was made after JBL's poor showing against "El Gran Luchadore" whoever that was. The guy is less fluid than Test is, and I like Test. If he can't carry a match, it follows he's getting this push because he can run his mouth and carry a story pretty well. Plus he's got media presence now. Which reminds me, I really was interested in his book last year. Maybe I still am, but I've still got to read Mick Foley's two tomes, plus Tietam Brown. They take precedence...

John Cena, meanwhile, is getting his grrove on with Dupree, so last week he fought...the Chavo Guerreros??? Well, makes sense. The crusierweight division has sorta been neutered ever since Chavo Jr. was given the strap. Maybe someone decided Rey-Rey is more fun as an audience-pleaser. Sort of like RVD, but in reverse...Cena has worked on his ring action, added the Five Knuckle Shuffle, the "you can't see me" wave, the pump shoes pumping, the FU. In short, he's avoiding the fundamentals in favor of a solid ring character. He's got a fruitful future ahead!

Speaking of the Guerreros, the main event was something special. I thought maybe, since Spike is on Smackdown "The Dudley" Heyman spoke of would be him, but apparently this threesome is no longer in the cards, as Devon (D-Von) was given a chance to display his Dudley ring dominance in an excellent match with Eddie Guerrero. I'll leave Thursday night on that note.

Much like Brock Lesnar battled the Big Show for an entire year, it looks like Chris Benoit will never escape Triple H and/or Shawn Michaels. At least Hunter is moving on, wrestling Tajiri in yet another instance of giving back. Michaels has made a career out of shadowing the bright spots of the Raw pack, starting with Chris Jericho a year ago, moving on to Randy orton, and now settling on Chris Benoit, all the while checking his ego up against Triple H. HBK has had an ego for as long as I've known him, so this is nothing new, and this endless charge against the two tops runners probably is not all that bad a thing (as long as it's actual wrestling at the center, as it has been), but pretty soon Michaels will have to realize that he doesn't have to run the show when he's in the ring. Pro Wrestling Illustrated rated him comparatively low in its long PWI 500, saying he hadn't managed to find his role up to that point. It's exactly that kind of attitude that gets everyone in trouble. You're either on top all the time, or you're "not finding your role." Goldberg had trouble finding his role as well, and then left after he had done so. Smetimes I think all the things that should be appreciated aren't. Then I snap out of it. Benoit and Guerrero are champions, after all.

Benoit and Edge, meanwhile, are still tag team champions, having defeated last night Ric Flair and Batista again. I thought I'd read that Ede was going to be pushed for the Intercontinental title, but now it looks as if Shelton Benjamin will be, as he should. Randy Orton has a chip that's begging to be knocked off his shoulder. By Edge's spear? (He does this, only entrenching every time the notion that when he debuted six years or so ago in WWE he was that company's answer to WCW's Goldberg phenomenon, in the WWE typical Long Blond Hair fashion, though some of these guys, Test and Christian, have been cutting those locks).

Kane, meanwhile, has a crush on Lita, and so he gets to square off against Matt Hardy. Woo! Rhyno got a win...against Rob Conway. Woo! Will Paul Heyman next vist Raw? Will Shawn Michaels defeat the Canadian Crippler next week? Stay tuned! And the biggest question remains still open: Will anything I say ever make sense???

#78. The Big Show, More Wrestling Thoughts

Last Thursday on Smackdown the writers had another of their melodramatic spells that some fans have had more than enough of. The Big Show, having lost to Eddie Guerrero (who he relieved of the US title not long before Guerrero finally ascended the whole damn heap), lost his job, and decided he wasn't going to go easy. Torrie Wilson played damsel in distress (last time she was in something like this role her dad was being seduced by Dawn Marie; in fact, that was pretty much the last non-Playboy thing of note she'd done), and then Kurt Angle, GM, stepped in, and wound up chokeslammed to the pavement (maybe a good ten feet or so down from the catwalk this drama culminated at). Angle landed no doubt on cumfy foam or the like, but for drama's sake, he was next shown with his leg artificially torqued and a pool of blood beneath his head. In two days we'll see what condition he's in, and see what'll happen to Big Show, who only makes headlines when he's being a monster. Being news and being a big guy sort of went out with the cat when the business went to the big men. Andre was the last of a breed. Now the only unusual guys left in the business are cartoons and goons.

This was the big event for Smackdown in the halfway point to its next PPV (and counteract to Backlash, the Raw I'm getting to next). Bradshaw will apparently get to warm up for another month, hopefully with some actual miles clocked in the ring again. I don't suppose he'll still be wearing his black APA tights, but who really knows? Hopefully his tailer. Or maybe some guy named Taylor. Booker T and RVD were supposed to carry the main event, but apparently that wasn't big enough. The match ended by DQ, and probably only served to define Booker's new character. How does Van Dam feel to be the guy known for his wrestling, who doesn't get to be known for his wrestling when it counts? When will be the next time he counts? Maybe Paul Heyman will swing by. And do what I'm not really sure. Apparently the ECW rumors were false, and now there are WCW rebirth rumors to replace them. Who really knows what's cooking? The people who will be eventually served. What results is what we'll know for sure. And it took intense thinking to figure that out...

So at Backlash Chris Benoit legitimized his reign as world heavyweight champion by defeating once more Shawn Michaels and Triple H, at the home Earl Hebner's infamous screwjob made. It seemed the Canadian fans were more interested in booing Earl and Michaels for something that took place seven years ago (Bret Hart's WWE exit has become a legend that may eclipse what he did otherwise in the ring during his career). It's the same spirit that marred Goldberg and Lesnar's WrestleMania match a month ago. Sometimes I don't know whether the fans actually care for the wrestling or for the mystiques and for what they as a presence can accomplish (American Idol Syndrome, I guess). So was Sunday Vince's atonement for that night, giving Benoit a decisive win upon another decisive win, against Michaels and another wrestler plagued with an ego reputation? Isn't this funny that we're talking about this because a guy who always liked to boast he was the best there is, was, and ever would be? Was Hart more upset that the fans never embraced him quite as much as, say, Michaels or Hulk Hogan? I don't really care...

Chris Jericho got his win over Christian and Trish Stratus, Randy Orton his over Mick Foley (shades, once more, of Triple H). Victoria defeated Lita. The Hurricane and Rosey made an appearance, defeating La Resistance (Conway & Grenier), but were upstaged by Eugene and Regal (as far as I could tell). Edge got his seen-from-a-mile-away win over Kane. Coach defeated Tajiri with Garrison Cade's assistance. Um, go Coach & Cade! Shelton Benjamin defeated Ric Flair. Woo! I think that's about it. A fairly strong card, probably translated to a fairly decent night.

The next night (last night) Edge went right back to familiar ground by recapturing tag team gold, with Benoit. Is this really what he needs? Or maybe the thought is, Benoit's recent boom (reminds me, I really, really miss Boomtown, but Fox has a series coming this June called The Jury that sounds intriguing, so I might have a replacement-of-sorts) will rub off on him. Could happen. Edge is still relying heavily on the Spear, which even Rhyno (his was called the Gore) back off from after returning from his neck surgery. Maybe it's perfectly safe. I dunno. Benoit has been doing roling suplexes like there's no tomorrow, and he's still doing his flying headbutt.

Speaking of possibly not learning anything, Jericho and Christian...are...still...at...it! Maybe they can do this and not completely spoil their careers because they're both in better positions than Scott Steiner and Test were when they did the same. But...When was the last time Jericho really factored in with the championship scene? Why isn't Christian pursuing that little snot Randy Orton? I know, I know, Orton is a a roll of his own (against Foley, but that methinks might finally be over) and is said to be the longest reigning Intercontinental champion in seven years. So what if he hasn't really been defending it? Is there a plan in place where he'll actually do so, and do it successfully? Or is Shelton Benjamin poised to relieve him of it in the near future? I have no idea! I also have no idea who this "big man" Tyson Tomko, the CLB's extra muscle, is. For all I know, it could be Chuck Palumbo, but that'd be a pretty specific name change. I don't think that'd happen. I have no idea where this is all going! Haven't I already said that???

Kane moved along from his most recent upset by focusing his attention on Lita, who will apparently not be tagging along with Y2J after all. Bummer, but at least it gives Matt Hardy something significant to do again. Garrison Cade might be receiving a similar push, right into a feud with Tajiri! Let's see if this goes anywhere, much like Mark Jindrak on Smackdown, where Rico made his debut last Thursday, and apparently he's still a gay character in this latest push.

Closing thought: Pedro Morales managed to wrestle to great acclaim in the 70's without becoming an ethnic stereotype. Could he do that today? And just what was it about Vince MacMahon's sports entertainment vision that scared Bruno Sammartino away in the 80's? Bruno was not above engaging in a silly Russian feud in his days. Is it okay when you have a real conflict as a backdrop to do silly things? Many would argue that Sgt. Slaughter's Iraqi gig in '91 was not all that amusing, especially now. I guess I wouldn't really know, because I wasn't around (really) back then, to see pro wrestling in its previous incarnation. I could watch some tapes, maybe, to try and figure it out, but aside from expanded approaches to story building and the lengths some are asked to push (see Angle anecdote above), could things have really changed that much? I suppose the real question is, should we expect Bruno to reconcile first, Bret Hart, or for hell to freeze over?...

#77. Random Wrestling Thoughts

Brian "Grandmaster Sexay" Christopher (Lawler) is back! Back in WWE anyway. He's been on exile for a few years now, and I'm not quite sure I ever found out why. Because he voluntarily left? All's I know is, he was active in NWA-TNA for a while, and last night he returned, only to get whalloped by Kane! (Eerily reminiscent of the quick job Orlando Jordan was forced to do in a loss against Rene Dupree last Thursday, actually. Is it management's big call to squander guys with potential in favor of guys who need to look good? Wouldn't it be better to show that those guys who need to look good win a match they actually have to work for? How long is Kane going to have to be a "monster" before WWE realizes people don't care for artificial dominance anymore?) But anyhoo, Grandmaster's back! The Hip Hop Drop is back! The goggles! Well, I'm assuming with the Drop and the goggles...because, y'know, I don't get Spike TV...and Kane obliterated him...

Al Snow, with one more gimmick! Nice to hear he was on Raw again, even if he had to do it as the Black Ninja, and even more degradingly, as Coach's hired goon. But it does give Tajiri something to do, even if the match at Backlash between himself and Coach won't exactly be his biggest challenge ever...

So Mr. Benjamin will have a match at Sunday's PPV after all. And it'll be against Ric Flair. I suppose they're holding on to the Batista card in case Batista is ever pushed as a singles wrestler...Should be a win for Benjamin, or at least a very good match...

Was Lita's conspicuous absence during Christian and Trish's beatdown of Chris Jericho indicative of anything, or was it just the fans adding character to the fuel? Maybe there's something there yet, maybe there isn't...There is something about Eugene, however. He's an effective comic device, as far as I can tell. Wonder what he'll do in the, y'know, ring, and whether Nick Dinsmore will be able to live this down. Al Snow never recovered from his bajillion comic creations...But on the plus side, WWE.com did had a four page article on William Regal, referencing all the good he'll be able to do now that he's back. That was a kind gesture. It also appears he'll be wrestling at some point, which is another welcome development.

Edge's push seems to be tied into the Johnny Nitro character at the moment, but I'm making note of it because it's somewhat ironic that a character named Nitro is on Raw. Somehow I don't think it's lost on the writers, but I don't think this is what Tony Schiavone meant when he called the last Nitro broadcast three years ago a "season finale"...

Speaking of Al Snow, Eugene, and gimmicks destined to lead nowhere, it was good to see Hurricane wrestling, and picking up a win, last night! Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe Eugene will go somewhere (the Godwins sorta did, and they were friggin hog farmers!), and maybe Hurricane has a long and fruitful career ahead of him. Well, maybe...Sometimes there's the entertainment aspect for the sake of the entertainment in this arena...

The night's final match, the eight-way between Evolution and champion Chris Benoit, Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley (or was it Cactus Kack?), and Shelton Benjamin, sounded like it was a good one. Benoit appears to have been well-received as champion. And so, like Eddie Guerrero, he might actually hold onto the title for a while. Excellent! Raw, whether it wants to admit it or not, might finally be realizing what Smackdown has known all along. Once you get past the bravado, the words, and the one-upsmanship, it's about the wrestling, stupid...

#76. Raw Thoughts Salvaged, Smackdown

So here's a few of the thoughts I was having until they were lost...

"Eugene" Dinsmore debuted this past Monday, as Eric Bischoff's "special" cousin, but salvaging this apparent misuse of OVW talent Nick Dinsmore is the fact that William Regal has finally made his return, and his charge this time around...is to handle Eugene, as per Bischoff's request. This should have the effect of bringing out the very best in Regal's character, hence the salvaging of this storyline...

Shelton Benjamin, despite his recent push against Evolution and Triple H, isn't currently scheduled for a PPV appearance at Backlash. And if all he keeps getting is bookings aginst the Evolution machine, I don't see much prospect for a match, unless something against Evolution fillers (and tag team champions) Batista and Rick Flair (who've made a career out of supporting Randy Orton) is cobled together. He can't go up against Intercontinental champion Orton, because Orton is still tangled up with Mick Foley, who has for months now been involved in a feud with Orton, which Batista and Flair have been grafted onto in order to extend it for no particular reason other than to show that Evolution is a bully racket. The numbers game, then. I don't see how Evolution is supposed to be a big deal, however, when all its members ever do is pursue personal vendettas or hog titles. A worthwhile stable it has not been. More like a stepping stone for Orton, a place for Flair, something for Batista to do, and window dressing for Triple H. But what do I know? If Foley achieves a feel-good victory over Orton at Backlash (as he was never able to do four years ago in a protracted feud with Hunter), he captures the IC belt, thus leaving Benjamin nothing to fight for. So I see it likely that Foley won't win, and that the next thing Orton and Benjamin do is feud with each other. But what do I know?

I also talked about Rhyno's woes. He made his name as ECW's final champion, but his WWE career was cut short when he went out with a neck injury. Upon returning, he was relegated to Chris Benoit's tag team partner (thus screwing the both of them for months on monkey work), and then for a while he had nothing to do. Then he became John Cena's whipping boy, ostensibly as Paul Heyman's chosen defender. Then he went to Raw , where he continues to be (like Matt Hardy, as I've feared) nothing but a glorified jobber. Paul heyman, however, is gearing up toward a new ECW, and rumor has it that he'll be appearing on WWE TV again so he can steal some talent. For Rhyno's sake, I hope he's among that lot.

On to some fresh thoughts, because I can't remember if I'm forgetting anything else I might have talked about...Oh wait, there was one more thought. Also at Backlash will be Edge versus Kane. Edge I think is pretty much locked for this victory, making Shane-o-Mac the only wrestler Kane has a decent shot at dominating at a PPV. Kinda sad, isn't it?...Also, Lita was given an assist by Chris Jericho to vault her into a women's title (still suddenly relevant!) match against champion Victoria, owner of legendary half-tights! I don't know if the association is a one-shot deal, as Jericho is still engaged into a feud with Trish Stratus and Christian (and he'll be fighting 'em both in a couple weeks), but it's always nice to see Lita get a push. I've been a fan of hers since the Essai Rios days. Who's Essai Rios? The poor shlub who had the misfortune of being completely eclipsed by the WWE debuting Lita (she'd previously been slightly less foxy in ECW).

Okay, to Smackdown! Bradshaw/JBL/John Bradshaw Layfield continued to get his push, likely to result in either the spotlight match -- whichSmackdown has gotten into the habit of programming in to counterbalance the two-month intervals imposed by the brand splitting of the PPVs -- that could be coming in a few weeks, or at the next Smackdown PPV, which is more than a month away. Can even Kurt Angle, GM, keep Bradshaw interesting that long, as far as a push for the WWE championship is concerned? We might just see...! One thing was made clear, however, and that was John Cena's budding popularity, which will mean sometime this year he'll be making a run for the big belt, if Smackdown has an ounce of sense. But what do I know? (Has it become annoyingly clear that I'm pushing that as a catch phrase? Is it not good enough? Well, how about, "You're fired!")

It was bound to happen. Booker T and Rob Van Dam are going to facing each other next week. Put them on the same show, and you'll be forced to deal with their past, if you can't come up with something better. The danger, of course, is that they'll become isolated from the rest of the roster. Maybe if they just get this obligatory match out of the way, Booker and RVD can finally move on to more productive storylines...?

It seems the Dudleyz are the recent acquisitions with the quickest bee-lines toward Smackdown relevance. If Scotty and Rikishi are still tag team champions after facing them in a title match, I'll eat "Good Ol' JR"'s hat...

It seems as if Smackdown is trying to equate RVD with Triple H. Last night it pushed home the parallel between Hunter's recent battles with Shelton Benjamin with RVD's battles against Charlie Haas. I suppose you could make an analogy between Hunter and RVD, but the difference is how they intersect. Hunter is very popular with the creative end of WWE, while RVD is very popular with the fans. Maybe this is a further attempt to drive home the differences between the two brands? Perhaps, but let's have a feud between RVD and Haas, not RVD and Booker T, then. Benjamin can't have a similarly extended feud with Hunter, because they're ultimately in different ponds. RVD isn't that much elevated from Haas, as far as career prospects are concerned. But what do I...Sorry. I'll stop with that already...

It seems Smackdown actually will continue to acquire new faces, just as Raw is. Rico and the lovely Miss Jackie (the former Tough Enough contestant, not the former Harlem Heat "sister") will be debuting next week! The last time Rico was on Thursdays, he was coaching Chuck Palumbo and Billy Gunn to marriage, which I suppose is further reason for Palumbo to be headed to Raw...

The worst deal of the lottery might have befallen Jamie Noble, who lost Nidia. Now he's lost the essential aspect of his character, as it has been defined for months. And now he'll be dwelling in the pit of jobbers...

Poor Orlando Jordan was used as window dressing again. He and Shannon Moore sat by while Theodore (apparently he doesn't like to be called "Teddy") Long and Spike Dudley engaged in fighting words. Why did Long and Spike have to move to do this? Who knows...But The latest Smackdown Magazine stated that Jordan has made a deal with an unseemly manager character, and that this will soon see the light of day, revealing Jordan for his true colors. Does this mean Paul Heyman? Jordan doesn't seem like an ECW wrestler to me. I hope this doesn't mean Long, because that would go nowhere fast...

Danny Basham (the Basham who was not actually a Bashum until landing on WWE TV) took on Cena in a one-on-one. The match, however, was likely just an excuse to give Cena some easy cred, like last week against Nunzio and The Bull (hm, sounds like Pinky and the Brain :D), which means nothing much for either Basham...

And it's back to Jordan now. He got the opportunity to job to Rene Dupree, who has the benefit of some kind of character. (I'm big on Jordan because I think he can carry a decent match; he did with Brock Lesnar a few months back, anyway. But I'm not sure I can use Lesnar as testamony, because some of the so-called "smart marks" have apparently decided that Brock, as with Goldberg, couldn't wrestle all that well. It's the classic "Let's turn on the guy who's currently favored," of which another example can be seen in Triple H.)

The Long-Spike angle turned out to be an excuse to get Johnny the Bull some more air time, which I suppose is not a bad thing, even if he once again had to job. Why is Spike getting a push, anyway? Has nobody learned a thing from Zack Gowan? Where can he go from here? Then Mark Jindrak made his first appearance since been acquired, as Long's hired thug. But with the apparent flippancy of Smackdown's interest in another big guy, Tough Enough prospect Matt Morgan, how much can Jindrak really look forward to doing? Who knows? I don't.

Eddie Guerrero has more than proved he can run at the head of the pack. It certainly helps that everyone has been so cooperative about it, including Kurt Angle, GM. John Cena might be the guy that takes the title away from him, but for now we have to put up with Bradshaw getting the "Hardcore Holly Push," although admittedly there's a lot more spirit being put into Bradshaw's push than Holly ever enjoyed. All I know is, it's apparently a good time to be a Latino wrestler. Both the WWE Guerreros have been enjoying incredible success in recent months, and the most recent NWA-TNA show had a running tournament involcing a Latino contigent and a UK contigent. The Latinos won, naturally...

#75. Raw Thoughts Gobbled

My thoughts on last night's Raw were unfortunately gobbled up, and I don't feel like retyping them...

#74. Survivor, Johnny Fairplay, JBL, John Cena

The reports of Smackdown's demise by the Scouring Monk may have been premature. Last night turned out to be a fairly good night. But before that, a note on NWA-TNA. Apparently one of my all-time favorite Survivors, Jon aka Johnny Fairplay from last season's Pearl Islands has found himself a gig there. Too bad I can't watch the fun. Much like the case, from the very first episode of the very first season, of Rich Hatch, I was probably Jon's only fan. Maybe it's because I haven't found the market that overlaps pro wrestling and Survivor fans yet. He really was the best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be in that arena. And so of course he was screwed. Much like Rich was in the ongoing All-Star edition, which I'm hoping either Boston Rob or Lex will win. But we'll see about that.

Okay, back to Thursday night. Much like I softened up on RVD last week, I found I might be able to tolerate the Dudleyz, as long as Spike keeps on scrapping and Bubba continues to show a willingness to be whomped on. Devon I don't have a problem with, although his previous stint on the Smackdown brand more than a year ago, when he was being pushed as some sort of preacher, was most definitely a laughing matter. Speaking of laughing matters, what ever happened to Bill DeMott's days in the ring? Just a short push, to capitalize on Tough Enough? He might have proved useful right about now...

Instead we're seeing the revival of Bradshaw, or JBL, Johnny Slick, as one of those From Leftfield competitors for the heavyweight title that'll give a good hoot for a while then cool down pretty quickly. Hardcore Holly was the most recent beneficiary, and last night he proved against Booker T that he deserves a career revival and renewed push, in whatever venu. Poor RVD might have been knocked out of the running for the first ever Great American award Kurt Angle, GM, has cooked up to get things kicked off in the new Land of Opportunity (as Teddy Long put it), but he at least gave Charlie Haas perhaps the same kind of heat over a two week span that his former partner Shelton Benjamin secured in one match on Raw this past Monday. I don't think he's quite there, but then what do I know? But I did like the Monday recap that Smackdown provided. I hope that stays. They might be two separate brands, but they're both still WWE. No reason why we must pretend the shows exist in vacuums.

Two new tag teams, sort of, made their appearances last night. The newly trimmed Full Blooded Italians, Nunzio and Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli, were a welcome sight. Maybe they'll be used more now? Then there was Akio and Sakoda, who might seem familiar because they'd been Tajiri's so-called Japanese Mafia cronies for months, with little actually to do but appear alongside him backstage. Hopefully they'll also be used more. We didn't see two other Smackdown tag teams, champions Rikishi and Scotty (the Rik did have a match, however; against Big Show, and he was trounced) and the Bashams, who hopefully took the time off to grow some distinguishing facial hair, which they had when they were in OVW, feuding, and unrelated.

John Cena continues his shtick on the mic, and it just gets better. It looks like there really will be a feud with the French Phenom (who it might be added was another of a group of three that left behind two, this time the reverse of the shows; maybe it was a theme of the redrafting?) Rene Dupree. Hopefully Cena will be a fighting US champion, unlike Big Show, and unlike current IC champion Randy Orton on Raw (though maybe Mick Foley has a chance at it at Backlash?). Cena is one big example why Smackdown has a little more light at the end of the tunnel than I'd recently been dreading. He makes the whole damn show.

A few notes, now. Where's Undertaker? Is he waiting around, or is he not going to be all that busy in the ring? The used-to-be third member of the FBI Chuck Palumbo, meanwhile, will soon be appearing on Raw, which I was mad about for a while, since I would have liked to see him develop on Smackdown, but short of transporting the pair of Nunzio and Stamboli, I guess it sort of makes sense. RVD and Booker T can survive back together, but whenever Palumbo is seen on Smackdown, while Billy Gunn is still around (um, somewhere), the lyrics "You are so good to me" would surely come to mind. And don't call me Shirley! Plus there's the upcoming debut of Nick Dinsmore, um...somewhere, in the guise of a half-wit called Eugene. Why this is necessary, I don't know. But the misfire of Mike Awesome, as a groovy boob, in WCW comes to mind...Can you say surefire joke? What's the point? But what do I know?

If Bradshaw is going to be his next competitor, and not Booker T, Eddie Guerrero has gotten his ticket to continue on as WWE champion...Good for him!