#86. Nomar Garciaparra, Wrestling, Amish in the City, Books, Moxie

Recently I found myself thinking about Mark Jindrak's latest gimmick, or more specifically the moniker "Reflection of Perfection." Do you think the estate of Curt Hennig is rearing to sue? or Shawn Stasiak? or if Lex Luger is wishing he'd thought of it (the mirror he could also sue over, I guess)? That's all, really, besides wondering why Smackdown needs to bring in John Heidenreich to play a role Kenzo Suzuki is already sort of playing, Nathan Jones and Sean O'Haire kind of failed at, and Ref to the Perf himself is also bungling over. The only guy doing good with it these days on Thursdays is Luther Reigns. I love that guy. Still struggling with issues over his not-quite-legendary-sounding name, but love the guy. He was quite good last week in that eight-man US title decider (unlike Suzuki, who has now been disqualified from two of these kinds of matches, which only justifies the rumors that the backstage doesn't know if he can cut it in WWE, but who is still a better story than Mordecai, who was sent back to OVW to, um, stew). I'd give ten Tyson Tomkos for one Reigns.

I wouldn't give up Nomar (No-mah to Jimmy Fallon, No-mar to George Wendt, and both should appear in SNL's season premiere to battle it out) Garciaparra, whom the Red Sox wronged and then dumped for players who will not help them better themselves but rather remain in the holding pattern of despair the team has been mired in for decades now. Can Red Sox Nation suffer for an entire century? I fear we'll find out...

Brock Lesnar, a.ka. The Next Big Viking, is proving the naysayers wrong (which I suppose is easy, since some form of naysayer is proved wrong every time something happens) and keeping up with the pre-season blitz. No, he hasn't made the team yet. Yes, he still has a pretty good chance. Coach Tice seems to like him...

Yah, I watched the premiere of Amish in the City. Not so different from your basic Real World or Road Rules. Except half the housemates are Amish, indulging their inner Rumspringa. The city kids wer pretty pathetic early on, but they decided to play nice, until the end of the two-hour episode it seemed. But I didn't catch the second episode, and probably won't catch the repeat tonight, and am on track to miss next week's third episode, too. Sometimes it's enough to know you'd more or less enjoy a thing and miss it than to more or less know you wouldn't and fiendishly enjoy not missing it. Then again, that last half doesn't sound too bad either...

I splurged and bought some more books the other day, including "Great White Fathers," which is sort of necessary for a project I'm working on (saying it's a book makes me sound exactly like the struggling writer I am), "Tales From the City," the Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda novel "Destruction of Illusions" (I'm of a handful remaining enthusiasts of that series, which seemed to get a good deal with Sci Fi until it turned out Sci Fi would still rely on hours and hours of Stargate, the quality of which to me is the same quality to which Andromeda is to most other people, instead of actually airing Andromeda), plus two additional books. I'm stockpiling books! Really, I keep buying them, knowing full well I won't be getting to them terribly soon. The last splurge was early last month at the Moxie Festival my hometown has made its reputation on. Moxie is a soft drink. If you haven't heard of it, know that if and when you do, and you manage to have a taste, there are two directions you can go from there: 1) you love the stuff or 2) you hate it. We don't abide those who merely tolerate it. Grrrr!

Theodore R. Long, I now write, getting back to the business of WWE wrestling. So he's the new Smackdown general manager. What's with Thursdays, anyway? Monday does perfectly fine retaining Eric Bischoff. So why has Thursday run through Stephanie McMahon, Paul Heyman, and Kurt Angle in the same timespan? Does it have something to do with the day? Or a general failure to find a stable personality? Personally, I'd love for Heyman to stick around full-time (though he's now behind Johnny H, it seems, the botched Undertaker arc seemingly put all the way behind the show) as GM. But he's about as unstable as you can get, past Psycho Sid ("Don't...call me...Psycho!" I think he said, while he spelled psycho wrong). Stephanie was grating at times, but not too bad. Angle was only biding his time. Long, meanwhile, now appears to have been traded from show to show to fill this eventual void. Or is he just another stopgate measure, like JBL (or was JBL planned all along?)? One thing's for sure, he's got his own style, and for now I'm not making a judgment as to whether this is to the detriment of the general manager role. Has Smackdown really been working toward the elimination of this element? Or does it just seem that way?

The one thing Thursdays have that Mondays don't is genuine heat for the secondary title. Edge is Intercontinental champion, and is headed toward Summer Slam ("summer games," Olympics apparently being a taboo word) with Batista and Chris Jericho (now working on the second half of...Edge and Christian, who should really have worked on a name for the tandem, at least for the benefit of those with flash photography, so they could, y'know, have a splashy label). Batista continues to have his day in the sun, finally (I look forward to the day Luther can similarly be unleashed, but he still looks too imposing in those suits for me to care). I wouldn't mind him winning. But the point is, there is not a lot going for the match, as compared to the United States championship.

Kurt Angle, former GM, had set his sights on two offending champions in his tenure, Eddie Guerrero and John Cena. He managed to unseat both, arguably fairly with Eddie and unarguably unfairly with Cena. The Doctor has made a number of enemies, in fact most of the Smackdown roster, during his first reign as US champion, and none greater than Booker T and RVD (though Rene Dupree comes close, and Suzuki for comic value next). So recently (last week) Booker T had the chance to steal the spotlight and the title, not to mention Rob Van Dam's thunder. Last night Cena beat Mr. Thursday Night to win his easily-foreseen right to challenge Booker at Summer Slam, which will be the first of a best of five series of matches which will hopefully cap one of Cena's feuds, arguably the fiercest one. Cena is already arguably Thursday's MVP, but now he's elevated the US title to the point where you could argue his feuds are more compelling than the heavyweight champion's.

And this is not even considering how lacklaster Undertaker is continuing to be in his newest feud, against champion John Bradshaw Layfield (when his book "Make More Money Now," was first published, he wrote under this name, and I had a hard time remembering the last name, since he'd never used it before in WWE, but as you can see I don't have that problem anymore). This gulf has nothing to do with Bradshaw. He's bringing the same as champion as he did while contender to the table. He's become a dependable presence. It's Undertaker who is making things worse than they need to be. For those who complained about Goldberg and his lapses in presence, Marky's being much worse about it. If he's getting too old, just step aside already and let others grab the opportunity, like he did more than a decade ago. (Though I suppose that rumored feud with Mordecai would have been more entertaining than it had any right to be as a result, as fans tried to decide who had less business being in the ring.) It's not that he can't wrestle anymore. Taker has been using innovative submission maneuvers lately, and that's a welcome development for the usual power player (in both respects). I'd love to see more of this new approach, but it appears more and more that he's taking his profile for granted. For all those who've complained about the Clique in the past, they made their moves invisibly. This guy's being as deliberate in his apathy as possible while flexing his sway. And please don't tell me he'll be making out with the WWE title after SS is done and over. Not with his work ethic of late will I put up with another reign of darkness (or dead reign).

Am I being hypocritical here, condemning Undertaker while cheering Goldberg for essentially the same behavior? The matters seem different enough. Goldberg (who fell victim to Eric Bischoff's transformation into Vince McMahon back in WCW and lost his career momentum; maybe the Thursday GM dilemma has an explanation somewhere in there) signed a very specific, very public contract with WWE that limited his in-ring performance schedule (to the detriment of his reputation with smart marks) and was still in a form of his wrestling prime when he took such a path, while Undertaker has, despite many false deaths leading endless rebirths, been on the decline for years now. His decision comes as but a symptom of the end, which looks all the more necessarily apparent than ever before...

In similar concerns there's Kurt Angle's in-ring return. Last night's match against Charlie Haas (hurt by team-up with Rico, helped by Rico's ailment) suggested a more deliberate style, if not quite what we'd be told to expect. He didn't change it, only modified it. Hopefully this works. If it doesn't Haas is ready and willing to replace him as Thursday's wrestling savant. So Charlie doesn't have Kurt's vocal personality. Neither did Chris Benoit, and look where that's gone. (Randy Orton as his challenger at SS looks either like another month in the bucket or Orton's premature ascension; Eugene's posh match, meanwhile, is great, while Hardy-Kane II, whatever the stipulation, sounds like Shane-Kane II to me). All we really need to enjoy Angle is Angle. His stint as GM proved that. His wrestling is icing on the cake now. He's Jesse Ventura 2.0. However longer he has as a competitor will be the writing, which will probably spell out either "Oh itt's true, it's damn true" or "What?" Or "Your Olympic hero." Or "Intensity, integrity, and intelligence." With the last one hopefully factored in wisely. In fact, all three.

Spike has deviously reunited with his brothers Bubba and D-Von Dudley, who have now officially completely departed from the last storyline they were in, as have Heyman and Undertaker (and poor Paul Bearer, from this life, too!), making that possibly the most meaningless storyline of 2004. Rey Misterio better have lost the cruiserweight title to a story that'll be going somewhere! Paul London and Billy Kidman have also graduated from Dudley University, and have beaten the Bashams to prove it! I'll bet Spanky is really smacking himself upside the head, seeing London's success after sticking it out.

Finally, there's OJ, Orlando Jordan. I know, I know, I recently said I'd lay off him for a while, but he made his Smackdown return last night, defeating Rene Dupree and showing up at the end of the show to lend a hand to JBL! You couldn't ask for a better night, especially if your name is Orlando Jordan. Tazz and Michael Cole even acknowledged the reason for his recent absence, and he got to have his entrance music played, too! The only problem would be the botched nature of the program finale. You could tell someone had screwed up, with all the time that needed to be eaten up. I think the chokeslam the midget (PC?) received was a compensation to this effect, and even that didn't take care of it. I'm tending to blame this awkwardness on the Undertaker, who without his voice can't carry a lot of time (and maybe that's the reason his return has been such a letdown, not that he was ever known for his words, in any form he's held). Maybe Bradshaw could have stumped up on the ramp with Jordan. Maybe Jordan came out too soon. I don't know. But next week still looks interesting.

That about covers it for this edition of the Scouring Monk. (Hopefully I have someone reading this nonsense...)

#85. Prod Oasis, Trip to Alabama, Ric Flair Record

I think I've got my profile showing now, and I've listed my website in it.  Currently, I'm one of those bastards who has let my website relapse into dead space.  The last update was way back in September of last year.  The situation is, the computer I was generating the website from is no longer connected to the Internet, and that will not be changing for the indefinite future.  The main interests of the site were providing access for non-Lower Decks (at the OL message board specifically) patrons to stories I'd written, falling under the categories of Star Trek fan fiction (I'm under the delusion that what I write is anything but run-of-the-mill) and a running project featuring a personally created science fiction reality.  Truth be told, I've written more of the Star Trek (Copernicus) adventures since September than Prod Oasis (the name of said property), but lately have begun writing more Prod Oasis and possibly put Copernicus into retirement.

I just corrected myself, rewriting "turth" to spell "truth," though "turth" sounds pretty interesting, too.  (This is the kind of writing Scouring Monk originated with, btw.) 

Anyhoo, I'm hoping the profile might generate interest in the blog, or at least interest I can be aware of.  Then again, I spent over a year hoping interest would develop around Age of Mouldwarp (the website) and that never developed, either.  I'm a filthy, filthy dreamer...

Back to business, then.  Before I took my siesta last week (to Alabama, where Cracker Barrel, Krystal, and Krispy Kreme rule in place of [I'm not sure what would be the Maine equivalent of Cracker Barrel], McDonald's, and Dunkin' Donuts), I went ahead and looked up the present activities of Orlando Jordan.  It appears he's been taking some personal time.  It also appears that he has his own official website, where you can read all about his extensive appearances at house shows, PPVs, and Smackdown (and by extensive I mean minimal).  But I think I read at powerwrestling that he had a house show match or two as late as early July against Rene Dupree (the last man he wrestled on Smackdown), one of which I believe he even won.  And he's also strung some victories on Velocity.  And there's the fact he's been wrestling with WWE for barely a year.  I'll give him more time, and in the meantime will stop agitating here.  If he develops into something, fine.  But the man currently nicknames as OJ.  Can't be good...

Speaking of WWE (imagine that!) I recently visited its official website and came across a page, 200 Words, which apparently features regular columnists.  The current topic involved debating who would, or at least could, break Ric Flair's record of 16 world championships (taken from his totals in NWA, WCW, and WWE).  Flair is a hot topic these days because he's become the latest wrestler to release his memoirs.  The greatest heat this has generated comes from things he's said about Mick Foley (who he says couldn't hold a candle to him) and Bret Hart (whom he more or less completely trashes).  Foley is a different kind of wrestler ("glorified stuntman," is the general idea of Flair's opinion) than the Nature Boy, much like Larry Bird was a different kind of player than Michael Jordan (nobody ever said the Bird could fly, alas), so I won't spend too much time thinking about that, but as for the Hitman remarks, Space Mountain went sky high on that target.

He disparages the man's legacy by saying Hart couldn't run the show when he was given the chance in the 90's.  And you know what?  I can agree with that.  He headlined three WrestleManias, at least in theory, IX, X, and XII.  At IX, he lost the world title to Yokozuna, who quickly lost the title to Hulk Hogan (and I do mean quickly).  At least one of those developments doesn't sound good for Hart.  Sure, he had the ego to hang with Hogan, but in terms of drawing power, he couldn't cut it.  This was reiterated at X, when he won the title back from Yokozuna (who'd vanquished Hogan to WCW to regain the title), and the most buzz went to...Owen Hart, who had defeated his brother earlier in the card in a family feud match.  Aside from the fact that X is still one of the most anonymous WrestleMania cards, that makes Bret's best years less than thrilling so far.  Then there was XII, which should have been his showcase, even if Shawn Michaels stole the glory and the title.  But when the dust settled, the controversial "sudden death" finish discussed to death, the buzz and the momentum still went...to HBK.  A year later, Hart finally achieved his Mania immortality...by playing second fiddle to rising star Steve Austin.

It wasn't long after that he made the jump to WCW amid the Survivor Series scandal, and Bret "The Poor Sport" Hart began to act as pestulently as his ego had always hinted at.  Surprisingly, this did not endear him to the fans.  It took him two years to enter contention for that WCW world title, and it was Chris Benoit who helped him get there.  And Goldberg who provided the excuse for the meltdown. 

Hart has remained a mostly popular name in wrestling since his retirement, but mostly thanks to those who still remember "Bret Screwed Bret" vividly and because his brother Owen died so tragically.  Maybe the stars simply didn't align for favorable enough conditions so the Hitman could be remembered better, or maybe Bret really did screw Bret by taking for granted everything he got instead of being grateful.  Flair further criticizes him by saying much of his legacy rests with the Hart Foundation, which indeed his final championship run rested with.  This wouldn't even be a bad thing if Davey Boy and Anvil had been more than props.  The Horsemen and Evolution have more than demonstrated how a stable can uniformly triumph instead of merely support.

The 200 Words folks, meanwhile, had a variety of opinions.  The most obvious was that no one would ever break Flair's record.  The next most went to Hulk Hogan, who by my estimate is only a few shy (and in my opinion really shouldn't be able to, but NWA-TNA might provide the necessary platform).  Thirdly comes Triple-H, who already has 8.  He could easily stick around long enough to at least double that.  He's remained remarkably healthy throughout his prime, considering the number of colleagues who have gone down to the neck plague.  (The hamstring injury doesn't count.)  I have no problem endorsing this possibility.

Then there was Randy Orton, who has yet to come up with his first, but is young enough so this doesn't really matter.  It all depends on his stamina, I suppose.  The last belongs to Ric's own son, David Flair.  This was the biggest joke, past Hogan.  David simply doesn't have the wrestling spirit.  His father is the epitome of the wrestling spirit.  It's the reason he's been around for so long, remained relevant for so long.  Ric Flair is practically synonymous with professional wrestling.  Unless he can find that kind of spirit, David doesn't have a chance.  Not one iota.  He'd be lucky to acquire even one world championship before he hangs up his tights.  No, I haven't seen him lately, but what I saw in WCW seems plenty to judge this book on.  He doesn't have the heart, the motivation, or the spirit.  You can't make it on name alone in this business.  Ask the Armstrongs.

Eddie Guerrero is David's antithesis.  His family has been in this business for years.  It's in his blood.  And he's the son to carry on the legacy, to really excel in it, because he feels the fire within him.  Chavo Jr. ain't bad, but he lacks the flair, if you will, Eddie brings to the ring day in and day out.  He's won his first world title.  The second one is not far away.  I know Undertaker is scheduled to face (and probably defeat) JBL at Summer Slam and Eddie to confront Kurt Angle, but come next WrestleMania, Latino Heat will have reascended the pile.  Who knows where he could go from there?  To challenge Nature Boy's record?  Maybe not, but definitely his legacy.

Chris Benoit is the same way.  He defeated Triple H this past Monday in an iron man match, sixty minutes of highlight reel (I was regretably not able to see) sure to cement his second world championship run (after the WCW fiasco) as one for the history books.  Unlike Bret Hart, Benoit has the ability to demand attention based on his wrestling alone, and he's come to the world title with a following of equal demand to see him at the top.  There's no taking this for granted.  He's a champion who fights tooth (no pun intended) and nail, and has spent the first five months of his reign proving his worth by going toe to toe with the man many believed had staked his permanent claim on the Raw title.  Triple H has wisely done as no one ever did for Hart.  He's made Benoit legitimate.  It's Randy Orton who will be facing the Crippler at Summer Slam.  Hunter will be busy settling scores with Eugene.  I tell ya.  We're in a new golden age.

Brock Lesnar could be part of it again, and arguably he's got the greatest chance past Triple H to challenge Flair's 16-time record.  He's still young.  I haven't heard anything about his NFL aspirations in this pre-training camp season, so I don't know what his immediate future holds, but any return to WWE will undoubtedly hold a few more world titles for Lesnar, who was not called the Next Big Thing simply as a publicity stunt.  Of all his complaints upon his exit, I like two the most.  I like the fact that he's a family man and I like the fact that he complained about the prospect for yet another feud with Undertaker.  Come on.  Let's get creative.  The lack of which killed Bret Hart's career...

Jeff Jarrett, currently ruling NWA, could conceivably challenge the record.  He's already got a half dozen or so, from reigns in TNA and WCW.  It's not like he's going to retire soon, and he's always a perennial favorite to regain the TNA title, him and A.J. Styles (and Ron Killings, apparently, but not Raven).  Maybe he could even return to WWE one day.  Hey, stranger things have happened, a lot of them associated with Roddy Piper...

John Cena is another who has the possibility, carrying on the proverbial torch from Steve Austin, who had a late start when WCW dropped the ball and foreshadowed Kurt Angle, with injuries hampering his prime.  Angle, btw, depending on how well his new style goes over, probably still will not be able to contend.  He's worked himself too ragged, unfortunately.  Cena, though, will be a world champion probably within the next year, and it won't be his last.  And he's young, too.

Booker T has five under his belt already, but has spent three years waiting for another.  Y2J keeps getting passed over, too, but he might have a chance to change that against Randy Orton, if Orton wins the title soon.  If he could get back on track, Jericho could be another contender.

Or the 200 guys might have struck one right note.  Maybe no one will.  And maybe no one should.  16 is a big number, especially in an era where pro wrestling is trying to emerge from some of its worst excesses.  If this really is a golden era, championship runs should count for something, not simply mount up.  The Rock has 6, but most of those were ridiculously short.  People might not have enjoyed seeing Triple H as champion for nine straight months, but the fruits we're now seeing are worth it, at least in my opinion.  It's not like he portrayed a completely dominant character in all that time, and I think I read in Pro Wrestling Illustrated that the best champions make you believe there's a possibility they could lose.  Some would argue that Triple H weasled out of this factor in a number of ways, but the fact remains his dominance in the ring has never meant he dominated in the ring.  And I thought the whole point of professional wrestling was to be entertained, especially by the matches themselves.  That's what people love about Benoit, Guerrero, Angle.  Triple H belongs in that company.  He shouldn't be excluded because he plays his character so well.  Bret Hart?  Maybe the problem was, beyond the sharpshooter, he never developed anything past his ego to set him apart...And that's how you really screw yourself...

#84. Ken Jennings, Wrestling, Movie Stars

Some settling, now. Brock Lesnar's botched aerial move from WM XIX was a shooting star press, not a moonsault. The important thing is, he failed to make it all the way around again and pretty much landed on his head. And never quite recovered professionally for it. It could be argued that Kurt Angle, who risked permanent paralysis to participate in the match, gained more from it than "The Next Big Thing," which is not inherently a bad thing, given how much Angle deserves to be seen as one of the premier if not that premier WWE personality of the current era, covering so well the fields of personality and ring performance as he has since he debuted more than four years ago. A year after this match, neither is still wrestling, because Lesnar grew tired of the personal strain WWE life can have and Angle's decision to have a 'ess invasive neck surgery than others (Chris Benoit, Steve Austin, Edge, etc. etc etc.) chose. He came backs within months, but has shown far less resiliency than at least Benoit, who is as much a machine as that Ken Jennings fellow from Jeepardy! (Congrats on passing the million mark, Ken. You have a long way to go yet, not to mention a near-guaranteed victory in the tournament of champions.)

I've heard too often that Lesnar walked away from Vince McMahon's opportunity of a lifetime because he hadn't grown up with the love of pro wrestling in his heart. The same argument followed Goldberg. But it's hard to put any stock in that when we also have Angle, who resisted entering WWE after his '96 Olympic victory (unlike, say Mark Henry, and look where that's gone) because he didn't think well of pro wrestling. He changed his mind and has the undying respect of guys like me. What's the difference between Angle, Lesnar, and Goldberg? All three were very quickly pushed into the championship scene after they first entered sports entertainment. All three were made out to be very big deals, before anyone had any real reason to consider them as such. Lesnar and Goldberg were big men, power players who seemed to be groomed to replace other power players, while Angle had the benefit of a broader definition, mainly because he entered in shape not much different than a Christ Benoit or Chris Jericho, both of whom he wrestled at his debut WrestleMania in 2000.

It was only natural, then, that he was going to be embraced more fully, and I don't think it has much to do with how well he was at developing a rapport with the audience, with his three i's and his insistance at being their Olympic hero right from the start. Da Man and NBT had mystique on their side, which Angle could never have, and they had the skills to back it up. People just began to ignore that fact when it became unpopular to support them. Goldberg was developing into quite the technical proficianist in WCW when he needed to eveolve his character. Maybe it's true that WWE only half-heartedly pushed him, and that was yet another contributing factor in his failure there. Whatever the truth, it's now a matter for historians, for all three, as to their overall impact. Angle might never wrestle on a regular basis again, Lesnar might never come back, and Goldberg is the least likely of all three to see Vince's playground again (though he seems to enjoy Japan well enough, where he could possibly have that dream match with Steve Austin).

It's funny how much Lesnar's departure demanded such a dramatic overhaul of Smackdown. There'll be those, and they'll probably be dominant right now, who will argue it was as much Angle's in-ring demise (at least for now) as it was Brock's sudden exit that pounded the third nail in the coffin and necessitated another Undertaker-like revival, and they would be kidding themselves. Angle has gone away before, most notably for the two months it took to recover from his ill-advised alternative surgery (or maybe he's just run himself too ragged in too short a time in establishing his legacy), and the show ran on without him just fine. There was Lesnar to carry things, give Thursdays meaning. But without Lesnar, it seemed as if there was no longer direction, and it took a lottery draft and the elevation of two lesser (by no means a phrase to insult either) stars to recover the ground. And to Smackdown's credit, the reinvention has gone quite well, even with Undertaker's latest, lackluster push (where're the complaints about that?).

It helps that it has Angle and John Cena to provide plenty of spark, most times together (oh, how I wish the two could spar again, as they did in 2003 to far less significance), and Eddie Guerrero as an immensely worthy champion. JBL has done a remarkable job, thanks in no small part the commitment to develop it, in creating Guerrero's ultimate nemesis (at least in this stage of his career). Booker T has become a dependable sub-main event performer. No, I would call him mid-card talent. In fact, he exists almost permanently in between, a counterpart to Y2J on Raw, which he could never have done on Mondays itself, given how many other wrestlers there who would love that honor. And RVD has finally developed his own niche in WWE, not as someone being pushed for any title, but as a guy who can give anyone, among those he's been given the opportunity to do with, a run for his money. He's never going to become the next Booker T, the next Y2J, the next HBK, not with his relaxed style, but it's enough to prove his worth as a dependable presence. Maybe a few months down the road he'll receive another shot at the heavyweight title, and really that's the most anyone can expect as forward momentum at this point in his career. He never even held the ECW heavyweight title, after all. It's the thought that counts, a whole lot more than it ever does with Kane.

Okay, there's also the matter of a number of wrestlers I've been dying to be used more whom I found on the injury list. Big Show and Kurt Angle, I've know about. Old news, and it's good that Thursdays have not suffered in the least from Show's absence, which is not as disparaging as it would have sounded two years ago. A-Train (a name D-Von once wrestled under, I've recently learned) is another, but he's never going anywhere on Raw anyway, so it doesn't matter. He was doing so much better on Thursdays, an had much, much more to lose than Matt Hardy in the transition. Christian was a surprise, as was Shelton Benjamin, but those were entirely welcome explanations, given how much they'd recently proven themselves and how rotten any other explanation would have been as a result. Scott Steiner and Test are two more, Test looking at the same neck surgery as too many others. His ring style has really be comparable? or am I missing something? These two are the opposite of Christian and Benjamin, unfortunately. Christopher Nowinsky, Blue Blood Tough 'Nuffer, is example of the danger of letting people who want to wrestle get in so easily. How many of those reality show stars will ever really amount to anything? He's been suffering Troy Aikman Syndrome, otherwise known as Concussion Land...

Wait a minute, Eddie's on this list?!? Hopefully his hamstring won't cause him to miss any time. That's be bad for Thursdays. I love JBL (more than I ever did Sid), but wouldn't like to see him champion for too long. I'd argue a massive push for Charlie Haas long before that. Jamie Noble is also working through the pain, and has recently gotten new ring attire. This former Jung Dragon deserves continued success in WWE, and it's a good sign for him that maybe his redneck persona is being slowly retired. Johnny Nitro, Shaniqua, and Matt Morgan are all developing their craft in OVW. Nitro I haven't seen wrestle, haven't heard much of him wrestling. Shaniqua is one of those Tough Enough champions who really didn't deserve it, and as I hear it will probably not be around much longer anyway. Morgan, who couldn't finish his TE year, could develop into the most significant alum.

Rico I knew about. Hopefully when he returns he'll have improved his characterization. Rikishi the report, which I got from powerwrestling.com, doesn't say what's ailing him. Perhaps a distinct lack of direction? Rodney Mack is another OVW rehabber. Will probably never go anywhere. Shawn Michaels is probably resting, but unfortunately is looking to return to find Garrison Cade syphoning off him for another attempt at superstardom. Ultimo Dragon never went anywhere, and now he's taking that and going back to Japan. Trish Stratus is the last of note (not counting a number who won't really be wrestling again, a.k.a. Rocks and McMahons). The report wonders how her absence affects the women's division. I already have an answer to that...

I also took a look at who's wrestled recently on Velocity and Heat. You can check off the names of Rene Dupree, Nunzio (in a match together that probably resulted from The Great American Bash), Funaki, Sakoda (still around after all), Billy Gunn & Hardcore Holly (now a full-time team, apparently, the League of Drop Kickers), and the Bashams; Tyson Tomko, Val Venis (who is officially never doing anything significant again), Maven (might eventually claim title of most significant TE alum; at least he's building a base for himself), Chuck Palumbo (apparently in his Monday-roster debut, finally), Rosey & the Hurricane (Helms desperately needs a new gimmick if he's ever truly going to fly), some jobbers (Vin Vain & Aaron Schlosser), William Regal, and Steven Richards (will never be signicant post-RTC). There's that.

Speaking of the Hurri-push, he had another chance Monday to show his wares, against Ric Flair. Euegene wrestled Benoit before receiving, ahem, vengeance from Evolution. Is Euege as a character a negative thing, or has he now transcended that? Something to consider as Nick Dinsmore continues to enjoy great WWE success portraying a mentally retarded individual.

Speaking of mental retardation, I read an article in the Boston Globe the other day in the regular "Life in the Pop Lane" column that insisted today's cinema stars can't hold a candle to the idols of yore. Yet another example of being unable to gain perspective, as has been such a problem for popular culture in the modern era. It seems the stars who helped establish TV and movies as something worth remembering will be remembered with suffocating nostalgia for years to come. Somebody has the mistaken impressive that the widely embraced stars of yesterday are inherently better than the widely embraced stars of today, and for reasons I have yet to decipher...The trend of the Retro Utopia continues.

And that's it, probably for more than a week. I will not be going back to the weekly update, and besides, I won't even be in town next week.

#83. State of Raw, John Cena, JBL, Big Brother

I believe I went on at some length last time about Smackdown, so how about something about the state of Raw? Sounds great.

The first item is pretty obvious. He did it with the title itself for over a year, and now Triple H seems to be suffocating the contender scene with the World heavyweight championship. Sure, Chris Benoit has also wrestled Shawn Michaels and Kane on a high profile basis in the five months he's held the title (five months already??), but Hunter was a part of each of those feuds. Is he still "establishing" his successor? On the upside, I'd read on the Internet that he wasn't interested in an extended feud with Benoit, so maybe in some strange way this development could be seen as a sign of respect for the Rabid Wolverine.

The other upside is of course Eugene, who has "become" a member of Evolution. At the very least this has given Hunter a chance to once again truly be seen as the Cerebral Assassin. Just reading what's been going on on Mondays makes me realize this is the most interest Triple H has been since that sham wedding with Stephanie MacMahon. Does the fact that he recently married her for real have anything to do with it? Batista, meanwhile, is having his first real chance to be pushed as a singles star, and the man he's doing it against is the hardest working and best sport in the industry today, Chris Jericho. That make-or-break match happens this Sunday (tomorrow) at Vengeance, the only WWE pay-per-view this month (as opposed to last month's double shot), and the last before Summer Slam, one promo for which features D-Von's former deacon. Who wins that? It's hard to say. Y2J has recently put Christian and Tyson Tomko behind him. On paper, I don't see a huge difference, beyond momentum, between Tomko and Batista. Then again astute critics like Pro Wrestling Illustrated were saying two years ago that there wasn't that much difference between Batista and Brock Lesnar (or Rico) and look where that's gone.

And speaking of results, can the Crippler defeat Triple H again? It depends what WWE sees in their futures. As in, does Benoit really have one without the title?

Last time I wondered if I'd left anyone out, and I had, Matt Hardy. He's got a feud with Kane going on, the first time he's been relevant on Raw, since he made what at the time seemed like an ill-advised jump from Thursdays, where he was succeeded by Chavo Guerrero in the cruiserweight scene. Lita, of course, is in the middle, leading me to wonder if the Monday team has as much confidence in Hardy as Smackdown as it comes to building Hardy's character. (I also remember wondering if he was ever going to make it big, or if he was going to sink to the level of glorified jobber, a part he looks ripe for, especially lately.) Where can he go on Raw? And did I dream it, or is Jeff back in the ring and tearing it up in NWA-TNA? Nah, must be a dream.

Batista, Randy Orton, even Tomko are all rising talents Monday has embraced, due in no small part to plush positions the likes of which Luther Reigns on the brand rival (is that what they are?) also enjoy. Shelton Benjamin, meanwhile, is still in exile. He may be working Heat for all I know. And that would be a damn shame, and a damn waste of talent. Much like poor Charlie Haas is experiencing on Smackdown since his partnership with Rico apparently belly-flopped.

Why these individual stars, nonaligned as they are, are held back and cliques like Evolution make such ready prominence for wrestlers is another matter to consider. Last night (on tape) watching Smackdown I saw Paul London finally gain WWE signifance when he and Billy Kidman capture tag team gold from the Dudleys. Other cruiserweights saw some action in a six-man tag team match, involving Chavo, Akio (whatever happened to Sakoda?), Jamie Noble, Rey Misterio (who has been on quite a roll in recent weeks), Spike Dudley, and Scotty Too Hotty (who finished his first Worm in years!), which was nice. It just seems as if the creative teams are forced to work in some of the lesser known talent in cycles, as well as the smaller championships, because there isn't enough time in two hours to cover everything. WCW expanded Nitro to three hours, and that wasn't too hard, and too bad, since it resulted in Raw to go to two. With a portion on the viewing audience not receiving the cable shows and the results not being covered as widely, two hours of WWE wrestling is being lost, along with the impact the talent therein could be making.

Instead, there's squandered potential (yes, I realize you could say these guys are obviously not worth following if they haven't made their impacts already, but plenty of wrestlers take time to build, and need to air time to do it in) and wrestlers like Orlando Jordon who fall right through the cracks. In what was probably his last appearance on Smackdown, Jordon was finally given the benefit of entrance music, and an actual entrance to boot. Or he might have had to job to Dupree after that. A little too little, too late. All I know is, the man who made his biggest impact as a backstage prop name wrestlers walked past is no longer even doing that. Was he not worth the investment? John Cena didn't look it, not even after he got the gimmick that would make him a star, but more on that a little later.

Is Edge going to go anywhere after this Intercontinental title push, or is he becoming the next Booker T, the Next RVD? And speaking of cycles, there was so much push in the women's division earlier in the year, and Trish Stratus became the most dynamic star there, and now what? Okay, so Nidia is finally wrestling, but is that really an indication that the division is finally being taken seriously? The Thursday cruiserweights get more respect. Heck, Rodney Dangerfield gets more respect!

Then we come to last night's Smackdown. Kurt Angle, GM, has finally done it. He's ended The Doctor of Thuganomics' US title reign, thanks in no small part to Mr. Reigns himself. Kenzo Suzuki is the other up-and-comer benefiting from Cena's generosity (it wasn't a year ago he was still fighting to establish himself, which he finally did at WrestleMania XX, as a serious presence and true WWE superstar). Who will benefit from Angle's maniacal bent? Booker T? Reigns? Suzuki? Dupree is apparently ready to start a feud with Rob Van Dam (who took care of the "Reflection of Perfection," draft drainer Mark Jindrak, minus counterpart Theodore "Player" Long, early in the night), so his feud with Cena is apparently over and done with. Good to see both of those still have something to do, RVD especially if only to satiate his many fans. He might still be growing on me, but he still needs to tighten his skills. His match tactics on Thursday suited him well, letting Jindrak dominate early and then taking advantage of the fatigue he waited for.

The other current Smackdown saga continued as well, as JBL, still WWE champion (at least until next week) looked to look impressive again by crushing the generic Mexican wrestler El Gran Luchadore, who this time seemed to split in two (a la Eric Angle), becoming not unlike Mr. America when he started moving like Eddy Guerrero. Great show. The steel cage match is highly anticipated, and it looks to be fitting the bill of the Thursday counterpunch to the Monday PPV as was the habit last year. Smackdown is definitely finding its grrove, and it's thanks to guys like Rey Misterio, Eddy Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero Rene Dupree, John Cena, Booker T, RVD, the Dudleys, and JBL. Oh wait, did I just name all the regulars? The good thing about that is that those who aren't stars right now have the chance to be in the future.

Just look at Cena, or Randy Orton. Both were given their chances early on and neither was looking all that impressive, but the years rolled on and they eventually found themselves, and once they did that they were able to get comfortable enough to really break out. Cena at the Royal Rumble in 2003 (which I recently got on DVD so as to watch the much-hyped and deservably so Kurt Angle-Chris Benoit match that gave the creative team incentive enough for what the Crippler is experiencing this year) was a joke. Yes, Cena at the Royal Rumble in 2003 was a joke. It was the worst kind of rapping imaginable, the kind that had people rightfully hoping he'd soon get over whatever Vanilla Ice he'd had for a late night snack. But you'll notice as he's matured, both in the ring and in character, that not only is his rapping improving but he's growing less dependent on it to establish a rapport with the (increasing becoming his) fans. Cena in 2003, when he was Lesnar's first post WM XIX challenge, was nothing to write home about. Cena in 2004 is like the Rattlesnake of 1996 post-King of the Ring.

Other notes from that night included Lesnar's less-than-enthusiastic reception upon winning the rumble. He took care of Undertaker and then only got the crowd on its feet when Taker came back into the ring. I guess it's true. The guy was pushed too far too fast. He might have deserved it, earned it, in the creative team's eyes, but not in the fans'. And his chance to do that was at WM XIX, and his missed that moonsault. He just was never going to get it after that.

During the rumble itself it was apparent that Test was practically someone at the time. But that went nowhere once he got tangled in with Scott Steiner, who earlier in the night laid a brutal fight on Triple H. It was vintage Big Poppa Pump, but it was also the beginning of the end for the Genetic Freak in WWE. Maybe it was a reaction to Triple H more than it was to Steiner, but the two PPV matches seemed to only work against him. I haven't seen the other one, mind you, but when I hear things like Steiner is past his prime and that's reason enough, then I begin to wonder. Maybe he wasn't taken seriously because he was WCW's last dominant star. Those guys from the waning days get very little respect, and that's unjustified. Hogan, who made an ass of himself, still gets the biggest love when he returns to WWE, but anyone else, forget it. Even Jeff Jarrett and his efforts with NWA-TNA get little respect. It's always about the other wrestlers making waves there, like the X division or A.J. Styles or Raven's post-WWE revival. It's a WCW curse.

And then I read in one of the sub-division PWI rags a debate as to whether or not WM XX was one of the all-time greats. Call me a fool (and if anyone at all reads the Monk, they probably do), but it was. I don't even need to have seen all the other 19 to make that call. But what do I know?

Here's something, maybe. I tuned in to the premiere of the new Big Brother, and then quickly tuned out. That's the worst casting job for that show yet, and I've watched it from the beginning. What were they thinking?

#82. Luther Reigns, JBL, The Stunt Man

Here's testament to how long I've been gone (nearly two months, in fact): Blogger went ahead and redesigned its site. Okay, so that couldn have easily been accomplished in the normal weekly interval I'd gotten into, but you get the point. Hopefully...

Back to the subject of professional wrestling, then. Or to be more precise, WWE. Luther Reigns, bodyguard to Kurt Angle, GM (Smackdown) is not, as it turns out, a redressed Test, but rather somebody who previously wrestled under the name of Horshu who got his start at the WCW Power Plant (Goldberg is probably the biggest name alumn). I'd heard the name Horshu before, and if memory serves not in very favorable light. But he's made his WWE onscreen in-ring debut, and he doesn't look so bad to me. At last night's Great American Bash (another WCW holdover...hmmm) he made his PPV debut, squashing poor Charlie Haas. Haas has gotten the short end of the World's Great Tag Team lottery splitting ticket ever since Shelton Benjamin went to Raw and immediately entered a feud with Evolution (he hasn't appeared on Mondays since his loss to Randy Orton at Bad Blood, unfortuntely, as far as I know). Even his partnership with Rico has stalled, what with them losing the tag team championship to the Dudleys a few weeks ago and Rico reportedly suffering a leg injury in the process, though it's not as if they were seeing much television action since Judgment Day. Haas cashed in some remaining chips from his days as Team Angle to get the jobber role, and it's looking more and more than he has more in common with Scotty 2 Hotty than Benjamin (I guess it really is all about him, as he used to say on Heat).

But getting back to Reigns, he's one of three rookie stars on Smackdown to have a match last night. The others were Kenzo Suzuki (who must strive to avoid the creative black hole other Japanese stars have found in WWE, including Tajiri of late on Raw) and Mordecai (Mr. Gimmick, Also With Questionable Future Accessory). Suzuki, who cashed in chips won this past Thursday against Billy Gunn, has an unusual ring precense and style. At the moment it seems somewhat ungainly, but this is mostly due to the fact that he's still in upstart mold, where he's got to introduce himself in quash matches, much like Mordecai, who is also using his time (while almost exclusively on PPV) yacking about "sins" and "evil people." Mordecai is one of those cartoons that was so favorable to the company during much of the 90's, which tried its best to outshine the 80's in this regard.

It's where Bradshaw got his start, if you'll remember. Back then (1996) he was Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw, and he came to the ring with a manager and a cowboy outfit. He branded banished opponents. Strangely, this did not catapult him into any kind of spotlight, so he had to endure another 80's holdover in a New Blackjacks tag team (with one of the Windhams, I believe) before hooking up with the equally floundering Farooq (who learned, much as Goldust did, that Ahmed Johnson was not the source of stability...heck, even Johnson learned that, and it was probably rubbed in at the turn of the millennium when he was "Big T" in WCW and Harlem Heat 2000). The Acolytes, who traded on Undertaker's heat in the Ministry (much as Edge and Christian did, and to a lesser, more unsettling extent Mideon and Viscera), soon gave birth to the APA, the Acolyte Protection Agency. The APA was better known for its backstage poker n' beer antics than its in-ring action, which might have explained why the world was so ill-prepared for Farooq's retirement and Bradshaw's elevation...

...to WWE champion! After two months of push from Kurt Angle, GM, and pushing himself as the best mouth on Thursday (I think he wrestled only about once during all that time, in a quash match against Rey Misterio), and two PPV main events, he controversially defeated Eddie Guerrero (Angle more or less gave him the victory) and strapped on what's probably his first singles championship (there may be a hardcore title or two in his past, and they both might be from WrestleMania 2000). And you know what? He totally deserves it.

Let me say it again, John Bradshaw Layfield, good ol' JBL, deserves to be WWE champion. Not many wrestlers could establish themselves so well in two months, as he needed to, after the loss of Angle as wrestler and Brock as WWE superstar (and heir apparent to the title of company frontrunner) and a less than satisfying lottery reshuffling brought John Cena's GAB opponents and so far not much else to Thursdays. Bradshaw is a regular miracle. And assuming I'm write, he's only going to make Eddie's continued reign as Smackdown's preeminent star all the more interesting. Let's face it. Eddie brings an even less dynamic presence as champion than Brock did, but you'll never hear anyone say this because he's perceived as having earned the honor while Lesnar was "given" it. So far all he's really done is reacted. What he needs is something to establish the character of his reign. "Tough Little Scrapper" is all well and good, but that can characterize just about anyone, from Steve Austin to Tazz to Spike Dudley. With Bradshaw acting as such an annoying rival, and always being favorably handicapped by Kurt Angle, GM, it gives Eddie a chance to develop his role in a way that's similar to the one Austin had in '98 but in a unique way. He won't just be the Latino That Could, but the Latino That Would.

Speaking of which, there's Cena, the Doctor of Thuganomics to consider. He walked away from the fatal fourway with his United States title still in possession. RVD, Booker T, and even Rene Dupree couldn't see him, couldn't make the acquisition. Dupree might have struck up a feud with the FBI, Nunzio and the Bull (Pinky and the Brain, anyone?), and RVD still needs to find himself, or he'll forever be the little engine that couldn't, so that leaves himself and Booker T as Cena's future opponents. Or maybe Luther Reigns. All I know is, Booker and Van Dam really need to start their engines or the lateral shift will be looking like an ever-increasing downward spiral. They have careers, right?

Rey-Rey got a PPV win over Chavo Guerrero, after defeating the departing Chavo Classic on television to recapture the cruiserweight championship. Maybe Paul London, who at least got some air time last Thursday as everyone pretended someone other than Chavo would be facing Misterio last night, would be the next contender, Chavo moving on. Or Kidman. Or Noble. Definitely not Spike or Shannon Moore...

Whatever happened to Orlando Jordon? And why weren't the Bashams given a PPV perch, after helping Eddie Guerrero remain in-ring relevant (countering the Bradshaw approach) for the past few weeks?

Sacrificed to the alter of the Undertaker, perhaps? The Dead Man let Paul Bearer perish last night even after seemingly turning down Paul Heyman and the Dudleys' offer with authority. Too bad. That unholy alliance could have been like "D"evolution on Smackdown, assuming the writers are still plotting a pile of bodies at Taker's feet...

Anyhoo, it's safe to say Thursdays are safe for wrestling again. How about Mondays? Chris Benoit is still champion there, and the shadow of Triple H still looms, though there are always complications. First there was Shawn Michaels, then Kane, and now...Eugene. That's right, the Raw answer to Zack Gowan is still kicking, as Nick Dinsmore's sound fundamentals are still being allowed to do the very most they can while still remaining within the confines of a mentally handicap character a lot of wrestlers are willing (including The Rock!) to lend support to. (In the end, I think that was Gowan's greatest flaw, that he just didn't get the same kind of support, for whatever reason.)

Edge, meanwhile, is still wallowing in tag team competition, even if "wallowing" in this case means his partner is Benoit and his favorite opponents are Evolution and La Resistance (Rob Conway and Sylvin Grenier, better with Rene Dupree, and vice versa, apparently, are at least more likely to see significant action). When will he be taken seriously as a singles star again? Or has that boat sailed?

Chris Jericho is still chugging along, and he's now cleaned the clocks of Christian (wish I could have seen that cage match) and Tyson Tomko (haven't seen him in action personally yet, so I can't really say too much about him, other than the fact that he seems to be Raw's answer to Reigns, Mordecai, and Suzuki in the WWE rejuvenation project, last yielding the impressive Cena and Orton). Is Christian out with injury? And Trish Stratus has benefited from that seemingly endless angle as well, parlaying it into an unprecedented fifth women's title. Also in that scene are Victoria and Lita, who's having Stacy Keibler issues with Kane.

Am I forgetting anything or anyone? Maybe, but I won't lose sleep over it. The Pro Wrestling Illustrated mid-year report will probably be in soon, and I can't wait to read the assessment. It's too bad by the time the PWI 500 hits in September that Goldberg and Lesnar will have missed six months out of the year covered, as they had very notable runs in the time they did have (Goldberg finally became champion and Lesnar had that Ironman match with Angle, to name the highlights). Shawn Michaels will have to be ranked higher than them, and that just shouldn't be, not because HBK doesn't deserve it but because the two titans deserve better than they got. I've rewatched the WrestleMania XX match and still find it to be better than anyone has admitted, even PWI. It was a different kind of encounter, one that doesn't come around too often, and nobody seems to have savored it. A pity...

If you haven't already, and chances are you haven't, go out and rent, or buy if you have to (you won't regret it), The Stunt Man, a film by Richard Rush starring Peter O'Toole. No, it's not austere, but rather a mindbending odyssey that tugs at the corners of reality in a little over two hours time. It's only about twenty years old, but aside from hairstyles and some early dialogue from bit players, you'd hardly be able to tell. It's surefire.

#81. RVD, Mr. Angle, Smart Marks

Stop the presses! RVD finally got a little bit of revenge last Thursday on Smackdown, and might finally be doing something productive for a change! His fellow frog splash afficionado, current WWE champion Eddie Guerrero, proved the selling point, and it looks like they'll be working together against the Dudleys, revitalized brutalizers. May this be the point Van Dam's career in WWE turns around. He pretty much deserves it.

Kurt Angle, GM, who now likes to be called Mr. Angle (in a vague reminiscence of Mr. MacMahon), returned, with a guy called Luthor as a bodyguard. I could be wrong, but Luthor could be Test, new hair color and snazzy outfitter included. Or he could be someone else entirely. Angle, meanwhile, has turned out to be an angry young man, his career "finished." I haven't been keeping up with my e-speak, so I don't know whether this is a shoot or not. It probably is, to put a little bit of the Raw magic on Thursday nights, just as the reverse was done with Chris Benoit. Torrie Wilson has become, inexplicably, the common link for Angel's transformation, as well as for Rene Dupree's challenge to John Cena and his U.S. championship. It seems Smackdown likes its women vulnerable and weak, the opposite of Raw (the reverse is pretty much true of cruiserweights).

Booker T continues down the road to confrontation witn the Undertaker, bringing the answer as to what this will lead to, for both of them, closer yet. Now, on to last night.

Matt Hardy finally has a story, but it's with Kane. Where else could this go besides guaranteeing Hardy some face time for a few weeks? Hopefully further, but that's never a sure thing with WWE. He did manage an appearance on Y2J's Highlight Reel, which at least puts Lita back in Jericho's sights, where she seems to end up frequently. But where was Christian, or for that matter Trish, this week? Who knows? Like I said, nothing's a sure thing...

Triple H continued to insert himself in Chris Benoit's business, this time interfering in his match against Shawn Michaels. It seems these three can't disconnect themselves from each other. Is it because there aren't enough competitors otherwise, or because they're still establishing Benoit as top dog? Give Christian, or heck Y2J a chance. When was the last time Jericho got that chance?...

It's exactly this kind of speculation that gets me thinking...Maybe i should just sit back and enjoy without thinking I've got to put in my two cents. Invariably the opinion becomes more negative the more I think it's my duty to comment on a given development. Things take time. If I'd spent the last four years worrying about whether Chris Benoit was ever going to be given a chance to run with the world heavyweight or WWE championship, I'd have run out of nails four years ago. I don't want to become a "smart mark," who ruins the entertainment wrestling is supposed to be because I grew too attached to what I thought should be happening. Bottom line is, win, lose, or no championship, these guys are putting on a show day in and day out. I know who I like. I know who I don't like. What happens in the ring, who gets what, is entertainment, maybe politics for those involved, but not for me. I don't want to miss what's happening because it's not what I would have done. The intrinsic value is in what I get from Triple H and his antics, Zack Gowan and his one-legged attempts at breaking into the business, Brock Lesnar flaming up and out, Eddie Guerrero learning to use his gifts to their fullest potential, Jerry Lawler hyperventilating over puppies. I love wrestling, period. Maybe I'll take a break from the Monk.

#80. Simon Cowell, WrestleMania XX

So I've been watching some of American Idol this season...While the show is truly representative of the whole pop music scene, the reason I watch is Simon Cowell. The only problem I have with him is his Sudden Head Jerking. This SHJ thing, which would at first seem like his way of saying "that was so bad it put me to sleep and I've just be nudged awake by Paula," but he does it all the time. Love him for his forthrightness, but the SHJ has got to go.

So anyhoo, WrestleMania XX has been released, and I picked up a copy today. The trivia game on the third disk is a hoot, because after each guess you get a video response from a WWE superstar. So far I've hit on Victoria, Kurt Angle, all three Dudleys, Rhyno (I'm pretty sure, or it could be the General dude from a few Survivor seasons ago), Y2J, Coach, Al Snow, and Mick Foley. Only problem is, you aren't given the correct answer, and given that some of the responses the repeating vid bits give are a bit ambiguous about whether you've got the answer right or not. Rhyno (?) says something about having to explaining it with crayons, and I think I've gotten to the point where I can say he means you've gotten the right answer (which means his contribution translates to the answer being bizarre but true). Did I say I hit on Victoria? Huh huh. But then that also means...

I've been meaning to comment about this, but Rey Myserio continued his WrestleMania super hero fashion show he began last year with Daredevil duds (as that film was, except for Colin Farrell and Jennifer Garner) by following it up with Flash-themed ring apparel in the cruiserweight open. Did I mention I'm a big Flash fan? He and Green Lantern are, in my humble opinion, the two greatest comic book concepts around, insofar as they've been consistently worth reading for decades. Only the X-Men would really rival them, but those mutants have grown so irrelevant to what made them great more than a decade ago that they survive, to my mind, more on reputation now than their actual books. Or they have untit recently, however. Maybe it's the films that have led to their rejuvenation. But when will they get back to the story that matters, the reason they're supposed to be the greatest concept in comics? Let's just say that it's hard to consider their story worth reading when it's so often bogged down by mindless shock in place of the concept that should be explored in its place. Mutants! The films put the money on the table. Now pick it up!

Make sense of that? Anyhoo, back to WM. The March 14, 2004, evening festivities kicked off on a classy note, the Harlem Boys Choir (reminding me of an Elijah Wood SNL skit) singing "America the Beautiful), and then John Cena hit. The ending was a bit of a cheat, but he was facing a mostly immovable object, the Big Show (mostly immovable to himself as well), so all's forgiven. Plus, he's the Doctor of Thuganomics! Word!

Then there was the Raw fatal fourway tag team title bout. RVD looked quite good on that night, quite good. I'll give him that. But that also doesn't say as much as it seems, since he wasn't carrying anything. To hit one's spots, anyone can do that expertly. Hulk Hogan made a very good living doing just that. It's the rest of the match he needs to work on. Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak looked very generic. Maybe they'll eventually make something of themselves, maybe they won't. La Resistance, Rene Dupree and Rob Conway in this instance, worked pretty well. The Dudleys, Bubba Ray and D'Von, were fine, with the little they did (the missed 3D was their biggest spot that I can remember). The match belonged to Booker T and Rob Van Dam. Obviously! But it was better than I'd been led to believe. Next!

Jericho/Christian was a definite highlight. Plus there was Trish. As it turns out, Trish made her move to turn on Y2J only after accidently costing him the match. I was going to put quotations around accidently, but the spot looked like it could have been an accident, as these "accidents" go. I was struck, however, at how much Christian looked like a Cade or a Jindrak, with his short haircut. Skills-wise, they have nothing on him, but he does end up looking pretty generic. Well, let's hope a Matt Hardy doesn't befall him once this feud with Chris Jericho is over. Tyson Tomko, when I got a look at him finally, is probably not Chuck Palumbo. But this Mordecai who will be at Judgment Day...I'll be damned if it isn't Sean O'Haire, but Mr. Sean O'Haire has been let go. Oh well...Next!

The Rock 'n' Sock/Evolution match, or should I say slobberknocker, was a letdown, insofar as Randy Orton/Mick Foley was concerned. Orton saw the least action of himself, Ric Flair, and Batista! Batista gave more powerbombs than Orton saw ringtime! All Orton really got to do was pin Foley. The match really belonged to Flair and The Rock, who had a good time mocking each other's signature moves. I read I think in one of the Amazon.com reviews of WM XX that the two ought to have a match one-on-one based on their chemistry that night. Maybe they've fought before, and maybe this really was Rock's single match this whole year (though if he wants to make a movie career he'll have to make a few movies that actually matter), but I agree. What little good that'll do...

Sable/Torrie vs. Stacy/Jackie...Short, pointless T & A affair, and poor Jerry Lawler didn't get to call it! Anyhoo, I supposed there was enough of an excuse for it...

The cruiserweight open was exceptional. But I can't help but wonder if the distinct lack of cruiserweight action since then (aside from Chavo Guerrero) has anything to do with the ingratitude of the fans (at least in my experience) for what they were given here. Ultimo Dragon was given due respect, and Jamie Noble had a fine capper for a solid run in recent months. Rey of course was his usual self, crowd-pleasing as always. Tajiri hit the tarantula, Billy Kidman wasted more time using up someone else's spot (WCW actaully had it right when they tried to push him, finally, beyond cruiserweight action; unfortunately they tried to do it against Hulk Hogan and his biggest moment of egotism, and nothing followed except a one-night run as cruiswerweight tag team champion on WCW's final show, I believe with Mysterio). Chavo picked up the obligatory win, since the cruiserweights really deserve a whole show to themselves. Maybe that's Kidman's problem, and why the complaint about this match was that it wasn't long enough. I thought it was plenty long for the amount of wrestlers crammed into it. They had a chance to shine. To truly shine, they'd need, like a said, a whole show to themselves...

Which brings us to Goldberg/Lesnar. They stood around for a very long time. The encounter was more about two irrestible forces than a wrestling encounter. Why was the match buried in the card like it was? Clearly it had been meant to be something more than it turned out to be. Undertaker/Kane could easily have been put here and vice versa, and the night would probably have been better for it. But as it was...the "smart marks" decided to reward this encounter with the worst kind of brattiness this side of the Canadian sharpshooting fiasco. The end seemed extremely truncated to me, as if there easily could have been more to the match, but wasn't because the audience enthusiasm just wasn't there. So the restraint on the part of the two competitors turned into resignation. Even Steve Austin couldn't save this affair, and didn't try to until the end. There haven't been two such underappreciated wrestlers in all wrestling history, as far as the fans are concerned. Goldberg was a certified phenomenon, until WCW bungled him, he took a break, and tried to ensure WWE would treat him better. Lesnar came around just when he was needed, but the fans turned him into the next Goldberg, later era, regardless. Just like Triple H and his year-long reign, the fans decided that any new dominant star wasn't worth their respect. So they ended up getting exactly what they wanted on this night. A lackluster, fond farewell. I hope both will be back, and prove to everyone they were wrong. It's what Chris Benoit did...

Disc 1 ends with Smackdown's tag team fatal fourway. As I intimated at the time, the participants were of slightly higher pedigree in this version of the tag team tango. TWGG, which didn't see enough action in this match, and the Bashams (ditto) were better established than La Resistance and Cade & Jindrak as tag teams. The APA were there as a final show of respect for their years of duty. Bradshaw, meanwhile, has clung to his black tights, unfortunately, in the sense that he didn't change his style and because he's getting a push, for all things, the WWE title. Mic-wise he's got the goods. Skill-wise, not so much. Unfortunately. Champions Scotty and Rikishi put on a good show, if not proving their specific worth to be champions. Still, it was good their years of hard work were appreciated in this fashion. Hopefully Scotty can move on to greater things, and Rikishi can spare us any more butt shots...

Unfortunately, I haven't yet watched Disc 2, which presumably has that night's best matches in store for me. I'll get back to this when I've made the rounds...

#79. Richard Cheese, Jimmy Kimmel, The Iliad, Wrestling

Richard Cheese on Jimmy Kimmel last night is exactly the reason why Jimmy Kimmel deserves to exist. Who else on late night TV but Jimmy will put on a lounge singer singing Sir Mix-a-lot's "Baby Got Back"? Who? Granted, I had been lured to the show by the promise of seeing the Flaming Lips perform (and they very well may have; I slept through everything but Mr Cheese). The way I see it, each of the major four (sorry, Carson, you don't count) talk show gabbers have their own approach. Leno's is clownish, Letterman's is sarcastic, Kilborn's is swarmy, and O'Brien's is dweebish (which I mean in the coolest sense possible). Kimmel plays it fast and loose, careless (and I mean that in the best sense possible). His offbeat sense of class was the best part of his partnership with Adam Corolla (misspelled as the last name most likely is) in the Man Show years.

I'm currently reading Homer's The Iliad. They might have had certain rules in warfare that made time for all sorts of interruptions in that time, but after reading Book Ten (in the Robert Fiztgerald translation) I'm wondering if the Greeks weren't the bad guys after all. Diomedes and Odysseus sneak into the Trojan camp and slaughter the sleeping Thracians at night. Bastards! That's not even what they were sent to do!

Anyhoo, back to pro wrestling! Paul Heyman made his return to Smackdown last Thurrsday, as a "one night affair" while Kurt Angle, GM, spends his time not being onscreen after giving up wrestling for a while so he doesn't further destroy his young pro wrestling body. Heyman took the opportunity to add further fuel to the "Let's rain on RVD's parade" um, parade WWE enjoys so much when he took the opportunity to reinvigorate the Dudley Boyz, Bubba and Devon, old ECW charges, using as a stepping stone ol' Van Dam, who got a rematch at the start of the show with Booker T after last week's main event match was upstaged by the berzerker Big Show and Angle's wittle fall (which they estimated at around 25 feet and I'd scale back to maybe 20, up from my original 10, but it doesn't realy matter that much). Well, as could be assumed, the rematch was upstaged as well, meaning that once again, RVD is being used as a tool rather than as a serious competitor, which probably won't appease his fans but will at least please me, who would like to see him work a little harder at creating a realistic ring style (rather than the cartoon version he favors). But on the plus side, Booker keeps getting plugged, and it looks like he'll be facing none other than the Undertaker at Judgment Day (the biker man's own PPV!). As my good friends (well, old acquaintances in a manner of speaking) at Powerwrestling.com point out, this match could mean good or bad for Booker. Good if he's allowed to win, bad if Taker really is bound for one last glory run. But the fact that he hasn't been used so much since his return at WrestleMania last month (out of DVD today) suggests either he won't be used a whole lot in this push (which might make hypocrites of all Goldberg detractors who might also be Taker marks) and is just making a final run in his latest role (as a guy who pushes other talent, as he did with Brock Lesnar) or someone is really attempting to make him a nostalgia act, a la Hogan. I think he finally wore out his welcome when he showed himself desperate enough to return to the dead man act (however half-heartedly), which is something he waited too long to do.

Poor Charlie Haas is stuck in a gimmick act with Rico, Freaky Touchy Feely (works better when he doesn't talk, since he's not as accomplished a word man as he is body language man). Who again got the better deal in the splitting of TWGTT? Beeeenjamin! Is there even a question about this?...Is it really that great that Haas is tag team champion again? The man's being upstaged by Rico and Rene Dupree, who is getting a US title push ahead of him, because as Tazz says, "I'm a French guy, I'm a French guy" as Dupree does his dance. "Cafe de Rene" was a pretty good segment, though. Torrie looked quite good in that dress.

Bradshaw doesn't have the ring skills to warrant the push, which only further proves Eddie Guerrero is safe for another few months as champion. This conclusion was made after JBL's poor showing against "El Gran Luchadore" whoever that was. The guy is less fluid than Test is, and I like Test. If he can't carry a match, it follows he's getting this push because he can run his mouth and carry a story pretty well. Plus he's got media presence now. Which reminds me, I really was interested in his book last year. Maybe I still am, but I've still got to read Mick Foley's two tomes, plus Tietam Brown. They take precedence...

John Cena, meanwhile, is getting his grrove on with Dupree, so last week he fought...the Chavo Guerreros??? Well, makes sense. The crusierweight division has sorta been neutered ever since Chavo Jr. was given the strap. Maybe someone decided Rey-Rey is more fun as an audience-pleaser. Sort of like RVD, but in reverse...Cena has worked on his ring action, added the Five Knuckle Shuffle, the "you can't see me" wave, the pump shoes pumping, the FU. In short, he's avoiding the fundamentals in favor of a solid ring character. He's got a fruitful future ahead!

Speaking of the Guerreros, the main event was something special. I thought maybe, since Spike is on Smackdown "The Dudley" Heyman spoke of would be him, but apparently this threesome is no longer in the cards, as Devon (D-Von) was given a chance to display his Dudley ring dominance in an excellent match with Eddie Guerrero. I'll leave Thursday night on that note.

Much like Brock Lesnar battled the Big Show for an entire year, it looks like Chris Benoit will never escape Triple H and/or Shawn Michaels. At least Hunter is moving on, wrestling Tajiri in yet another instance of giving back. Michaels has made a career out of shadowing the bright spots of the Raw pack, starting with Chris Jericho a year ago, moving on to Randy orton, and now settling on Chris Benoit, all the while checking his ego up against Triple H. HBK has had an ego for as long as I've known him, so this is nothing new, and this endless charge against the two tops runners probably is not all that bad a thing (as long as it's actual wrestling at the center, as it has been), but pretty soon Michaels will have to realize that he doesn't have to run the show when he's in the ring. Pro Wrestling Illustrated rated him comparatively low in its long PWI 500, saying he hadn't managed to find his role up to that point. It's exactly that kind of attitude that gets everyone in trouble. You're either on top all the time, or you're "not finding your role." Goldberg had trouble finding his role as well, and then left after he had done so. Smetimes I think all the things that should be appreciated aren't. Then I snap out of it. Benoit and Guerrero are champions, after all.

Benoit and Edge, meanwhile, are still tag team champions, having defeated last night Ric Flair and Batista again. I thought I'd read that Ede was going to be pushed for the Intercontinental title, but now it looks as if Shelton Benjamin will be, as he should. Randy Orton has a chip that's begging to be knocked off his shoulder. By Edge's spear? (He does this, only entrenching every time the notion that when he debuted six years or so ago in WWE he was that company's answer to WCW's Goldberg phenomenon, in the WWE typical Long Blond Hair fashion, though some of these guys, Test and Christian, have been cutting those locks).

Kane, meanwhile, has a crush on Lita, and so he gets to square off against Matt Hardy. Woo! Rhyno got a win...against Rob Conway. Woo! Will Paul Heyman next vist Raw? Will Shawn Michaels defeat the Canadian Crippler next week? Stay tuned! And the biggest question remains still open: Will anything I say ever make sense???

#78. The Big Show, More Wrestling Thoughts

Last Thursday on Smackdown the writers had another of their melodramatic spells that some fans have had more than enough of. The Big Show, having lost to Eddie Guerrero (who he relieved of the US title not long before Guerrero finally ascended the whole damn heap), lost his job, and decided he wasn't going to go easy. Torrie Wilson played damsel in distress (last time she was in something like this role her dad was being seduced by Dawn Marie; in fact, that was pretty much the last non-Playboy thing of note she'd done), and then Kurt Angle, GM, stepped in, and wound up chokeslammed to the pavement (maybe a good ten feet or so down from the catwalk this drama culminated at). Angle landed no doubt on cumfy foam or the like, but for drama's sake, he was next shown with his leg artificially torqued and a pool of blood beneath his head. In two days we'll see what condition he's in, and see what'll happen to Big Show, who only makes headlines when he's being a monster. Being news and being a big guy sort of went out with the cat when the business went to the big men. Andre was the last of a breed. Now the only unusual guys left in the business are cartoons and goons.

This was the big event for Smackdown in the halfway point to its next PPV (and counteract to Backlash, the Raw I'm getting to next). Bradshaw will apparently get to warm up for another month, hopefully with some actual miles clocked in the ring again. I don't suppose he'll still be wearing his black APA tights, but who really knows? Hopefully his tailer. Or maybe some guy named Taylor. Booker T and RVD were supposed to carry the main event, but apparently that wasn't big enough. The match ended by DQ, and probably only served to define Booker's new character. How does Van Dam feel to be the guy known for his wrestling, who doesn't get to be known for his wrestling when it counts? When will be the next time he counts? Maybe Paul Heyman will swing by. And do what I'm not really sure. Apparently the ECW rumors were false, and now there are WCW rebirth rumors to replace them. Who really knows what's cooking? The people who will be eventually served. What results is what we'll know for sure. And it took intense thinking to figure that out...

So at Backlash Chris Benoit legitimized his reign as world heavyweight champion by defeating once more Shawn Michaels and Triple H, at the home Earl Hebner's infamous screwjob made. It seemed the Canadian fans were more interested in booing Earl and Michaels for something that took place seven years ago (Bret Hart's WWE exit has become a legend that may eclipse what he did otherwise in the ring during his career). It's the same spirit that marred Goldberg and Lesnar's WrestleMania match a month ago. Sometimes I don't know whether the fans actually care for the wrestling or for the mystiques and for what they as a presence can accomplish (American Idol Syndrome, I guess). So was Sunday Vince's atonement for that night, giving Benoit a decisive win upon another decisive win, against Michaels and another wrestler plagued with an ego reputation? Isn't this funny that we're talking about this because a guy who always liked to boast he was the best there is, was, and ever would be? Was Hart more upset that the fans never embraced him quite as much as, say, Michaels or Hulk Hogan? I don't really care...

Chris Jericho got his win over Christian and Trish Stratus, Randy Orton his over Mick Foley (shades, once more, of Triple H). Victoria defeated Lita. The Hurricane and Rosey made an appearance, defeating La Resistance (Conway & Grenier), but were upstaged by Eugene and Regal (as far as I could tell). Edge got his seen-from-a-mile-away win over Kane. Coach defeated Tajiri with Garrison Cade's assistance. Um, go Coach & Cade! Shelton Benjamin defeated Ric Flair. Woo! I think that's about it. A fairly strong card, probably translated to a fairly decent night.

The next night (last night) Edge went right back to familiar ground by recapturing tag team gold, with Benoit. Is this really what he needs? Or maybe the thought is, Benoit's recent boom (reminds me, I really, really miss Boomtown, but Fox has a series coming this June called The Jury that sounds intriguing, so I might have a replacement-of-sorts) will rub off on him. Could happen. Edge is still relying heavily on the Spear, which even Rhyno (his was called the Gore) back off from after returning from his neck surgery. Maybe it's perfectly safe. I dunno. Benoit has been doing roling suplexes like there's no tomorrow, and he's still doing his flying headbutt.

Speaking of possibly not learning anything, Jericho and Christian...are...still...at...it! Maybe they can do this and not completely spoil their careers because they're both in better positions than Scott Steiner and Test were when they did the same. But...When was the last time Jericho really factored in with the championship scene? Why isn't Christian pursuing that little snot Randy Orton? I know, I know, Orton is a a roll of his own (against Foley, but that methinks might finally be over) and is said to be the longest reigning Intercontinental champion in seven years. So what if he hasn't really been defending it? Is there a plan in place where he'll actually do so, and do it successfully? Or is Shelton Benjamin poised to relieve him of it in the near future? I have no idea! I also have no idea who this "big man" Tyson Tomko, the CLB's extra muscle, is. For all I know, it could be Chuck Palumbo, but that'd be a pretty specific name change. I don't think that'd happen. I have no idea where this is all going! Haven't I already said that???

Kane moved along from his most recent upset by focusing his attention on Lita, who will apparently not be tagging along with Y2J after all. Bummer, but at least it gives Matt Hardy something significant to do again. Garrison Cade might be receiving a similar push, right into a feud with Tajiri! Let's see if this goes anywhere, much like Mark Jindrak on Smackdown, where Rico made his debut last Thursday, and apparently he's still a gay character in this latest push.

Closing thought: Pedro Morales managed to wrestle to great acclaim in the 70's without becoming an ethnic stereotype. Could he do that today? And just what was it about Vince MacMahon's sports entertainment vision that scared Bruno Sammartino away in the 80's? Bruno was not above engaging in a silly Russian feud in his days. Is it okay when you have a real conflict as a backdrop to do silly things? Many would argue that Sgt. Slaughter's Iraqi gig in '91 was not all that amusing, especially now. I guess I wouldn't really know, because I wasn't around (really) back then, to see pro wrestling in its previous incarnation. I could watch some tapes, maybe, to try and figure it out, but aside from expanded approaches to story building and the lengths some are asked to push (see Angle anecdote above), could things have really changed that much? I suppose the real question is, should we expect Bruno to reconcile first, Bret Hart, or for hell to freeze over?...

#77. Random Wrestling Thoughts

Brian "Grandmaster Sexay" Christopher (Lawler) is back! Back in WWE anyway. He's been on exile for a few years now, and I'm not quite sure I ever found out why. Because he voluntarily left? All's I know is, he was active in NWA-TNA for a while, and last night he returned, only to get whalloped by Kane! (Eerily reminiscent of the quick job Orlando Jordan was forced to do in a loss against Rene Dupree last Thursday, actually. Is it management's big call to squander guys with potential in favor of guys who need to look good? Wouldn't it be better to show that those guys who need to look good win a match they actually have to work for? How long is Kane going to have to be a "monster" before WWE realizes people don't care for artificial dominance anymore?) But anyhoo, Grandmaster's back! The Hip Hop Drop is back! The goggles! Well, I'm assuming with the Drop and the goggles...because, y'know, I don't get Spike TV...and Kane obliterated him...

Al Snow, with one more gimmick! Nice to hear he was on Raw again, even if he had to do it as the Black Ninja, and even more degradingly, as Coach's hired goon. But it does give Tajiri something to do, even if the match at Backlash between himself and Coach won't exactly be his biggest challenge ever...

So Mr. Benjamin will have a match at Sunday's PPV after all. And it'll be against Ric Flair. I suppose they're holding on to the Batista card in case Batista is ever pushed as a singles wrestler...Should be a win for Benjamin, or at least a very good match...

Was Lita's conspicuous absence during Christian and Trish's beatdown of Chris Jericho indicative of anything, or was it just the fans adding character to the fuel? Maybe there's something there yet, maybe there isn't...There is something about Eugene, however. He's an effective comic device, as far as I can tell. Wonder what he'll do in the, y'know, ring, and whether Nick Dinsmore will be able to live this down. Al Snow never recovered from his bajillion comic creations...But on the plus side, WWE.com did had a four page article on William Regal, referencing all the good he'll be able to do now that he's back. That was a kind gesture. It also appears he'll be wrestling at some point, which is another welcome development.

Edge's push seems to be tied into the Johnny Nitro character at the moment, but I'm making note of it because it's somewhat ironic that a character named Nitro is on Raw. Somehow I don't think it's lost on the writers, but I don't think this is what Tony Schiavone meant when he called the last Nitro broadcast three years ago a "season finale"...

Speaking of Al Snow, Eugene, and gimmicks destined to lead nowhere, it was good to see Hurricane wrestling, and picking up a win, last night! Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe Eugene will go somewhere (the Godwins sorta did, and they were friggin hog farmers!), and maybe Hurricane has a long and fruitful career ahead of him. Well, maybe...Sometimes there's the entertainment aspect for the sake of the entertainment in this arena...

The night's final match, the eight-way between Evolution and champion Chris Benoit, Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley (or was it Cactus Kack?), and Shelton Benjamin, sounded like it was a good one. Benoit appears to have been well-received as champion. And so, like Eddie Guerrero, he might actually hold onto the title for a while. Excellent! Raw, whether it wants to admit it or not, might finally be realizing what Smackdown has known all along. Once you get past the bravado, the words, and the one-upsmanship, it's about the wrestling, stupid...

#76. Raw Thoughts Salvaged, Smackdown

So here's a few of the thoughts I was having until they were lost...

"Eugene" Dinsmore debuted this past Monday, as Eric Bischoff's "special" cousin, but salvaging this apparent misuse of OVW talent Nick Dinsmore is the fact that William Regal has finally made his return, and his charge this time around...is to handle Eugene, as per Bischoff's request. This should have the effect of bringing out the very best in Regal's character, hence the salvaging of this storyline...

Shelton Benjamin, despite his recent push against Evolution and Triple H, isn't currently scheduled for a PPV appearance at Backlash. And if all he keeps getting is bookings aginst the Evolution machine, I don't see much prospect for a match, unless something against Evolution fillers (and tag team champions) Batista and Rick Flair (who've made a career out of supporting Randy Orton) is cobled together. He can't go up against Intercontinental champion Orton, because Orton is still tangled up with Mick Foley, who has for months now been involved in a feud with Orton, which Batista and Flair have been grafted onto in order to extend it for no particular reason other than to show that Evolution is a bully racket. The numbers game, then. I don't see how Evolution is supposed to be a big deal, however, when all its members ever do is pursue personal vendettas or hog titles. A worthwhile stable it has not been. More like a stepping stone for Orton, a place for Flair, something for Batista to do, and window dressing for Triple H. But what do I know? If Foley achieves a feel-good victory over Orton at Backlash (as he was never able to do four years ago in a protracted feud with Hunter), he captures the IC belt, thus leaving Benjamin nothing to fight for. So I see it likely that Foley won't win, and that the next thing Orton and Benjamin do is feud with each other. But what do I know?

I also talked about Rhyno's woes. He made his name as ECW's final champion, but his WWE career was cut short when he went out with a neck injury. Upon returning, he was relegated to Chris Benoit's tag team partner (thus screwing the both of them for months on monkey work), and then for a while he had nothing to do. Then he became John Cena's whipping boy, ostensibly as Paul Heyman's chosen defender. Then he went to Raw , where he continues to be (like Matt Hardy, as I've feared) nothing but a glorified jobber. Paul heyman, however, is gearing up toward a new ECW, and rumor has it that he'll be appearing on WWE TV again so he can steal some talent. For Rhyno's sake, I hope he's among that lot.

On to some fresh thoughts, because I can't remember if I'm forgetting anything else I might have talked about...Oh wait, there was one more thought. Also at Backlash will be Edge versus Kane. Edge I think is pretty much locked for this victory, making Shane-o-Mac the only wrestler Kane has a decent shot at dominating at a PPV. Kinda sad, isn't it?...Also, Lita was given an assist by Chris Jericho to vault her into a women's title (still suddenly relevant!) match against champion Victoria, owner of legendary half-tights! I don't know if the association is a one-shot deal, as Jericho is still engaged into a feud with Trish Stratus and Christian (and he'll be fighting 'em both in a couple weeks), but it's always nice to see Lita get a push. I've been a fan of hers since the Essai Rios days. Who's Essai Rios? The poor shlub who had the misfortune of being completely eclipsed by the WWE debuting Lita (she'd previously been slightly less foxy in ECW).

Okay, to Smackdown! Bradshaw/JBL/John Bradshaw Layfield continued to get his push, likely to result in either the spotlight match -- whichSmackdown has gotten into the habit of programming in to counterbalance the two-month intervals imposed by the brand splitting of the PPVs -- that could be coming in a few weeks, or at the next Smackdown PPV, which is more than a month away. Can even Kurt Angle, GM, keep Bradshaw interesting that long, as far as a push for the WWE championship is concerned? We might just see...! One thing was made clear, however, and that was John Cena's budding popularity, which will mean sometime this year he'll be making a run for the big belt, if Smackdown has an ounce of sense. But what do I know? (Has it become annoyingly clear that I'm pushing that as a catch phrase? Is it not good enough? Well, how about, "You're fired!")

It was bound to happen. Booker T and Rob Van Dam are going to facing each other next week. Put them on the same show, and you'll be forced to deal with their past, if you can't come up with something better. The danger, of course, is that they'll become isolated from the rest of the roster. Maybe if they just get this obligatory match out of the way, Booker and RVD can finally move on to more productive storylines...?

It seems the Dudleyz are the recent acquisitions with the quickest bee-lines toward Smackdown relevance. If Scotty and Rikishi are still tag team champions after facing them in a title match, I'll eat "Good Ol' JR"'s hat...

It seems as if Smackdown is trying to equate RVD with Triple H. Last night it pushed home the parallel between Hunter's recent battles with Shelton Benjamin with RVD's battles against Charlie Haas. I suppose you could make an analogy between Hunter and RVD, but the difference is how they intersect. Hunter is very popular with the creative end of WWE, while RVD is very popular with the fans. Maybe this is a further attempt to drive home the differences between the two brands? Perhaps, but let's have a feud between RVD and Haas, not RVD and Booker T, then. Benjamin can't have a similarly extended feud with Hunter, because they're ultimately in different ponds. RVD isn't that much elevated from Haas, as far as career prospects are concerned. But what do I...Sorry. I'll stop with that already...

It seems Smackdown actually will continue to acquire new faces, just as Raw is. Rico and the lovely Miss Jackie (the former Tough Enough contestant, not the former Harlem Heat "sister") will be debuting next week! The last time Rico was on Thursdays, he was coaching Chuck Palumbo and Billy Gunn to marriage, which I suppose is further reason for Palumbo to be headed to Raw...

The worst deal of the lottery might have befallen Jamie Noble, who lost Nidia. Now he's lost the essential aspect of his character, as it has been defined for months. And now he'll be dwelling in the pit of jobbers...

Poor Orlando Jordan was used as window dressing again. He and Shannon Moore sat by while Theodore (apparently he doesn't like to be called "Teddy") Long and Spike Dudley engaged in fighting words. Why did Long and Spike have to move to do this? Who knows...But The latest Smackdown Magazine stated that Jordan has made a deal with an unseemly manager character, and that this will soon see the light of day, revealing Jordan for his true colors. Does this mean Paul Heyman? Jordan doesn't seem like an ECW wrestler to me. I hope this doesn't mean Long, because that would go nowhere fast...

Danny Basham (the Basham who was not actually a Bashum until landing on WWE TV) took on Cena in a one-on-one. The match, however, was likely just an excuse to give Cena some easy cred, like last week against Nunzio and The Bull (hm, sounds like Pinky and the Brain :D), which means nothing much for either Basham...

And it's back to Jordan now. He got the opportunity to job to Rene Dupree, who has the benefit of some kind of character. (I'm big on Jordan because I think he can carry a decent match; he did with Brock Lesnar a few months back, anyway. But I'm not sure I can use Lesnar as testamony, because some of the so-called "smart marks" have apparently decided that Brock, as with Goldberg, couldn't wrestle all that well. It's the classic "Let's turn on the guy who's currently favored," of which another example can be seen in Triple H.)

The Long-Spike angle turned out to be an excuse to get Johnny the Bull some more air time, which I suppose is not a bad thing, even if he once again had to job. Why is Spike getting a push, anyway? Has nobody learned a thing from Zack Gowan? Where can he go from here? Then Mark Jindrak made his first appearance since been acquired, as Long's hired thug. But with the apparent flippancy of Smackdown's interest in another big guy, Tough Enough prospect Matt Morgan, how much can Jindrak really look forward to doing? Who knows? I don't.

Eddie Guerrero has more than proved he can run at the head of the pack. It certainly helps that everyone has been so cooperative about it, including Kurt Angle, GM. John Cena might be the guy that takes the title away from him, but for now we have to put up with Bradshaw getting the "Hardcore Holly Push," although admittedly there's a lot more spirit being put into Bradshaw's push than Holly ever enjoyed. All I know is, it's apparently a good time to be a Latino wrestler. Both the WWE Guerreros have been enjoying incredible success in recent months, and the most recent NWA-TNA show had a running tournament involcing a Latino contigent and a UK contigent. The Latinos won, naturally...